I was just assaulted and forced into slavery by teenaged girls. Unfortunately it was just because they wanted to look at homestarrunner.com on my computer. One of them high-fived me for owning a Trogdor hoodie.

They are nostalgic for the 1990s. One of them told me how much she wished Matchbox 20 would get back together.

Sylvia has been feeding them caffeine and sugar. Evil Sylvia. They’re very nice kids but SO VERY LOUD.

Good news; they no longer puff air on your eye to test for glaucoma. They just pour some chemical on your eye and then point this little blue lightsaber at it for a while. Much better. My eyes have not got any worse yet, although he says that now I’m 40 I will start to experience “presbyopia” which is Greek for omg ur eyez r so old.

I realized today while feeling poor and being thankful for my side gig that I spend roughly 25% of my takehome pay on medical costs not reimbursed by anyone. I am well-paid and have less expenses than most people with my salary but it all disappears into the Health Hole. People who bitch about their tax withholding should try having a couple of fairly inexpensive (in comparison) chronic ailments some time and see how much they like it. Hello, middle-class rage!

Right below the thin, crunchy, tasty crust I am a boiling microwaved pie of shit. Things aren’t good.

We don’t want a draft, but our war appears endless.

Social security’s future is uncertain; will we have enough to avoid disaster for the aged?

Solution: Draft everyone over 50.

Have you registered for Senior Service yet?

We had to give another Russian asylum.

In summary:

1. Government likely did their own terrorism to justify war; 246 people dead.
2. Government refused to investigate claims of this activity
3. TV network that reported on the issue shut down and owner jailed
4. Two members of parliament investigating the issue die: one shot, the other likely poisoned a la Ukraine.
5. Woman whose mother died in the attacks hires ex-agent and PI as her attorney; he is jailed and tortured.
6. She gets the hell out of there and is given asylum in the U.S.

So glad that End of Communism caused the brutal rule of the KGB FSB to end. And stuff.

http://www.mancookwithfire.com/

Cruel.com linked to some Bad Christian Aprons. Pretty bad, yes, especially “Just Restin’ in the Lord”. Then eyeteeth pointed out that they had the nightmare one that brianenigma and I kept threatening to make in their adult aprons section, the KISS THE COCK one, except without the hole that we thought would be necessary.

Looking at the Christian Kitten (wtf?) and talking to Enigma, I suddenly realized what the worst Successory Ever would be: A crucified kitten with wacky type saying “Hang in there, Jesus!”

The NEVAR FORGET theme is pretty awful too.

I didn’t browse through the tailgaters or “expressions” list, because I’d already developed pancreatitis.

Vin Diesel’s latest looks like something that mcbrennan and I would dream up after too many Nutter Butters and action figure play.

Also, it has a duck.

Also, it has two actors in it named “Brittany”.

Also, do not watch the trailer. It is unwatchable and it is here.

http://www.autoblog.com/entry/1234000210029894/

Because so much is riding on your, um, head.

My latest update informs me that “Crack of Dawn Paddlesports” is hiring a web administrator. And I guess that’s all there is to say about that.

kniwt points out that the elections went great in 1967, too.

I am a nattering nabob of negatism, though.

Animated Death Yak Says Be Safe!