I’d RATHER be SAILING the SEVENTY SEAS with my PIRATE PARROT on my SHOULDER. But, I’m a sysadmin so I’m going to be online at “10 ish” when the NCAA game ends to update my employer’s website so the box scores don’t look retarded.

I’d RATHER be ROLLING in the HAY with LUSCIOUS SUPERMUDDLES but I’m a sysadmin, so I’ll hang out with my friends at a coffee house for a bit until the annoying AA people show up, and then go home and make some bread before the NCAA game ends.

I’d RATHER be FLYING my HYPERSONIC SPACE PLANE from DUBAI to SWARGFISKERATORAN via CHAMONIX but I’m a sysadmin so I’ll be buzzing down the 405 in my japanese sports car trying to avoid assmonkeys in huge SUVs who pass on the shoulder at 80 and then merge in to gain 8 car lengths and nearly kill me.

On the latter topic it’s a really fucking good thing that I don’t carrry a gun in the car..

..because a good windshield-penetrating, manstopper hollowpoint round costs a lot of money these days.

“What about those who don’t got what I got?
Are they victims of my leisure?
To fail is to be a victim..
..maybe partying will help.” — The Minutemen

I find myself reflexively annoyed at almost everything. Other people and their issues, animals staring at my food, small clonking noises in the car, the oncoming rush of death, the unavailability of proper yeast at the market. It’s all one big freaking tsuris!

Trust the Jews to come up for the best word for the phenomenon.

If you need anyone slapped hard, let me know. I’m in the mood.

UP ALL LAST NIGHT WITH COMPUTER MAINTENANCE STUFF STOP HAVE BEEN GROWING BEARD FOR TWO WEEKS, HATE IT, CAN’T FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET RID OF IT RIGHT STOP CONSTANTLY ANNOYED AND WISH I WAS NOT STOP BROWN BASMATIC RICE IS DELICIOUS STOP LAUNDRY LOOMING SEND BORAX STOP END TRANSMISSIONS

Take the High Yield Killing Method Test Now!!

stimps is my goddess. She sent me this.

Sure as moons is cheeses!

We had a big company meeting today and we have a four point goal with synergies in it. Fortunately nothing material is changing so I can go back to sleep.

A really freaking horrible jazz band played at Diedrichs last night. They were that jazz fusion crap from the 80s, whitest music EVAR made. Attracted lots of dorky white people like flies to dog poo. In the middle of massacring the standards by noodling about in the high registers of the electric guitar, they got even whiter and played a john cougar mellencamp song.

I have a strong opinion about people like that. I feel that dorks in knit caps and nike wear and socks with sandals who play craptastic wonderbread music, who think they’re being soulful, who have Frank Frazetta art on their walls, who think they’re spiritual and in tune because they listen to World Music.. all need to be shot in the back of the head with large-caliber handguns.

It’ll be messy at first but it will keep them from massacring “Take the A Train” at 100 db while screwing up their eyes real tight and rocking back and forth soulfully.

Three slices of good bread and a shave this morning cheered me immensely. We humans are such easy prey.

I have a generic three day weekend because Americans demand one. Not sure what if anything to do; I’ll probably just do housework and CONSUME. I have a plot to bake some interesting bread. Any suggestions?

I supported my favorite radio station in their fund drive again. Am I charitable yet?

What fresh hell is this? After 3 days of fighting with, and defeating, some technology, I am emptied and disgusted. The trick to living this life appears to be not to notice it; to pass through the day in a haze of duties and conversation and eating and crapping and driving. If you at any time pause to think of the general situation, the result could be fatal. Perhaps a psychotic break or a popped aorta. More likely, just the slowly forming realization that you’ve been plowing the sea for another 24 hours.

How was the play otherwise, Mrs. Lincoln?

It appears I have belatedly arrived at my annual February depression/anger festival. My apologies in advance to anyone I make cry like a little girl over the next month or so.

At the supermarket they’re trying to push their discount card, so they’ve taken to posting gigantic pictures of people who have won things or just enriched their lives tremendously with the card. This is a mistake. I waited in line to buy groceriess tonight a huge poster of some happy hausfrau and her $10,000 win hung over me, revealing the average Ralphs customer to be a DEADLY! ZOMBIE! MUTANT! WITH A STRETCHED! RICTUS! GRIN! OF DOOOOOOM!

Now that’s what I call Customer Relations Management!

• ITEM! Someone at my job didn’t know how many states there are in the U.S., and also didn’t know to be embarrassed about this!
• ITEM! I am going to be in a NASCAR universe for the next couple of months. Anyone got a spare mullet?
• ITEM! I’ve been incredibly grumpy not to say enraged a lot lately. Could I be surrounded by idiots or is it just the serotonin?
• ITEM! I have been pornifieid by the Internet. I just received email regarding “Turkish Amateurs” which was actually about amateur radio and deleted it, thinking it was porn spam!
• ITEM! Cheese is made from milk!
• ITEM! There was an episode of the New Kung-Fu on today featuring the Holy Grail (chinese jade version), knights, Nazis, and priests!
• ITEM! Antonin Artaud was right. We live in a Theatre of Cruelty.