When I was a little kid, one year we had a live Christmas tree. It was small, but alive! And therefore more interesting. We decorated it but not too much, and strewed the presents around it, and it was different and fun that year.

Afterwards, we planted it in the front yard. I even helped dig the hole although I was too small to be of any great use. I got to learn about evergreens, and about planting trees, and I got the cool lecture about how big trees come from small plantings.

Twenty years later, the tree towered over the house in the front yard. Finally achieving its true purpose, it reached down with one long sinewy taproot and ripped out our sewer, costing us thousands of dollars and tremendous frustration and inconvenience.

And that’s my Christmas story.

Here at Ignatz Industries we try to be forward looking, and as the Dear Leader I have a special responsibility to guide my minions into the future. I’m asking my readership to help me with a task of the greatest importance: planning my New Year’s Resolution. Please choose from one of the possible choices below:

http://www.latimes.com/news/local/orange/la-me-haidl7dec07,1,5408608.story?coll=la-editions-orange

use genital/genital for username/pw if you don’t register

The sequence of events:

1. Young son of rich local participates in gang rape of a minor at dad’s house and videotapes it

2. The tape somehow gets to the police

3. Dad, who is a sort of honorary sheriff’s deputy, attempts a coverup and obstruction of justice with the collusion of senior officials in the Sheriffs Department

4. The cops proceed with their investigation despite political pressure

5. Someone distributes flyers with the victim’s last name in them, fishing for info

6. As a result of this and questioning of the rapist’s mother, Mrs. Rapist then sues the police department, attempting to get access to the victim that otherwise would be impossible.

These people all need to go to Hell, directly, via a huge crack in the earth like at the end of Don Giovanni.

Oh, and per the OC Weekly, it just gets worse.

A beautiful string quartet smooths over a lot of life’s crappy bits, even at 2:46 a.m.

To the person who used my credit card number to purchase $48.62 worth of food from Mazzerella’s Pizza in Sellersburg, Indiana Wednesday Night:

DIE.

Slow Wave is a comic done from peoples’ dreams. He did one of mine once, and I felt honored:

Thanks mr_flippant for reminding me about it. I am now going to catch up on the archives!

I had 4 mugs this morning, then this afternoon had an iced tea, then another iced tea with dinner, then a medium sized cafe latte at D’s, and finally a free sample of Jamaica Blue Mountain also at D’s.

BWOONGGGGGGGG HI THERE I CANNOT BLINK?!?!?!?

Nice dinner with Cat and vegemitelover at Ruby’s. Good conversation later, too. mr_flippant, the books I mentioned were Christopher Alexander’s A Pattern Language and The Timeless Way of Building. Over-hyped classics, but classics nonetheless.

I think that all movies should end with the characters finding out they’re robots.

I thought it was super witty. Super witty. I have an 8 and a 3 and 1 on the way, we have some needs. It’s a pocket pomeranian, no haircut! I think so but noone else would. Who makes this shit anyway. You can’t let go of your own experience enough to generalize. C’mon, pizza pizza please? Those fish are real old.

Home is where I want to be, but I guess I’m already there.

The Wall St Journal today had an article (subscription only I think) about hoity toity sinks what the quality is buyin these days. $5000 sinks that weigh 250 lbs, bronze sinks that must be dried after each use,

Some quotes:

Sink changes color with water temperature, a feature the company says is therapeutic. While our panel thought it was gimmicky, one L.A. designer said she has “a few earthy clients who would consider it.”

Metals are one of the newest twists on the offbeat sink, but be prepared: this one needs to be dried after every hand-washing.

But the extreme end of the market, with its weird shapes — in this case, a glass funnel that looks like a vase — can be a hard sell. “Ideal for making mayonnaise or displaying flowers,” says Barry Sloane, a Los Angeles real estate agent. Our panel thought the 12-inch height would be okay for a powder room, but would pose ergonomic issues, like forearm banging.

Now that the looks are catching on beyond design mavens, makers are competing with ever more outlandish models — like a $1,595 sunken pyramid from Porcher and an upcoming “upside down” sink by Sonoma Cast Stone (the water runs down an inverted bowl).

Then there’s the Paradox, which is only a sink part-time. Kohler says it came up with the idea after an earlier flat sink did well for them, and this seemed like a logical next step. It’s got a cast-iron plate insert that converts the sink into a countertop for when the water’s not running (assuming you can lift it — it’s 13 pounds). But some of the panelists were skeptical. “I can envision the kids turning on the faucet full blast and then completely soaking their fronts,” says Steve Schoffman, a Portland, Ore., architectural designer. Paradox “isn’t a one-size-fits-all product,” and might not be ideal for a kid’s bathroom, says Nicole Langel, a product manager at Kohler.

Pictures are at http://iggy.fringehead.org/album/badsinks/