“..the love theme from go fuck yourself…

“GORILLA SPICE?”

“I killed people 8 at a time.”

“We had to build a reformatory to supply prostitutes.”

“It was a nudist trailer park but not on purpose.”

Bennett’s Smut ‘n’ Eggs, Madison, WI. Breakfast all day and hardcore porn on four TV’s.

Description from local paper:

Wanna know Madison’s best-kept breakfast secret? One that lacks dressing but is drizzled with sex appeal? Try Bennett’s Smut N Eggs (416 S. Park St.). I had long been curious about just what happens inside of here, so I dragged two companions there one Sunday for plates of greasy food (hint: try Eggs Bennett-Dick – eggs, ham and smut sauce on a muffin for $6.25). Beverages (milk, juice, soda or coffee) are just a buck each. Our waiter wore a plastic hat shaped like an, ahem, anatomy that only men have and donned a white T-shirt displaying cows in various positions. Four televisions – all airing hard porn – hung above the bar and entertained a line of gruff, sloppily dressed men slouched on bar stools. Pink Floyd was blaring over the loudspeakers at about the time a pack of preppie college boys strolled in, proof that it’s a place for anyone.

Tigger busted for molestation

Squeeze out your own jerky, dammit.

Great customer reviews including:

“Sometimes it can gugle and spit when their is air in the meat.”

“ When the meat comes out of the Jerky Maker, it continually “spits” & “drips”

If anyone needs me, I’ll be on my knees retching in the bathroom.

From Reuters:

Wrong number! Wrong hole! Wrong fetish!

My head is now slightly smaller (diameter).

Dream:

In the near future, overpopulation and poor planning have caused a terrible housing shortage. Restrictive laws to deal with this situation have been passed. Not only are most people required to share housing, but bed-sharing is now mandated federally.

Due to fundamentalist fears of massive sex orgies, sex is now restricted also. Persons wishing to copulate must obtain sex vouchers (one per sex act) from a Federal agency. This was the compromise finally reached after years of alternating right- and left-wing administrations.

The result is that two of my housemates wish to have sex, and the rest of us are all okay with it and will give them the good end of the bed, but they can’t get the vouchers because of the bureaucracy. There’s a lot of mail going back and forth, and visits to government offices downtown, and long waits on the phone. At one point a housemate is going to the store and saying “If the sex voucher people call put them on hold and page me!”

From: membership@kcrw.org
Subject: Urinetown Priority Ticket Offer — Exclusive to KCRW Members!

It was a blast furnace hot glorious Southern California Spring day. I mostly stayed indoors and worked. With the windows open for cross-ventilation the cat was in a state of delirious desire. When I stepped out after sunset the smell of the jasmine was physically overpowering.

The world is full of promise when the plants are all getting some.

H. was especially delicious in her Spring Preppie outfit. You give me fever, girl.

Tomorrow I go see a head doctor. I’m worried. Not because I think he’s a bad doctor or anything, but because his office staff can’t seem to figure out the basics of health insurance. I’m afraid that they’ll try to extort $500 from me or claim I’m in an HMO or something out of sheer incompetence. Anyway the plan is to see if I should stop taking the little pink pills, or take some orange or taupe ones instead, or just wear magnets on my head. I’m very wary of psychiatrists because of the deadly combination of medical hubris and mental health quackery they sometimes have. Hope this one is better.

The worst thing about the state I’m in lately is that life is basically intolerable and must be fixed immediately and of course not only is this not possible, but there’s no guarantee that anything will be “fixed” by any definition at any time, ever. And, you know, people want you to make hopeful noises, even the professionals involved. I had a sort of a tiff with the therapist last week because she kept wanting me to commit to the idea of getting better and I was thinking “well, it didn’t work last time, why should I promise you it will work this time? aren’t you the one making promises around here?”

It’s bad enough being a patient instead of a worthwhile human, but don’t make me promise that your voodoo will work on me. Manage your own damned expectations.

I give love a bad name.