You’re a nice guy and you appear to be a very competent physician. Your expertise has been valuable to me, and I appreciate the way you go the extra distance to give me appropriate care at reasonable prices. In general I would recommend you to anyone needing management of medication for depression. Thumbs up!

However, I have one concern. During my time in your waiting room today, I experienced approximately 20 minutes of our local soft mellow pop station, KOST 103 (“The Coast”). This station played an assortment of music including Whitney Houston, the Spinners, a number of unknown generic smooth R&B songs I hear at the grocery store, and two commercials. I was then promised that they’d have a “block” of great hits from Phil Collins, as well as Wham!, Simply Red, and the Eagles. At this point, fortunately, I was ushered it for my consultation.

I would like to point out that rigorous double-blind studies conducted by researchers in major institutions have shown mellow soft rock and R&B stations to be a causative factor in Insipid Twat Syndrome, the Bolton-Taylor Prepsychotic Rage Effect, Mansonism, the trots, and opiate abuse. Children raised in a soft hits environment are 40% more likely to become serial killers who make dolls out of their victims’ skin. And exposure to the Eagles has been determined to be at the root of 14 of a reported 19 school shootings in the last 20 years. Adolescent rats exposed to KOST 103 in particular developed tumors on their noses, and the tumors had little devil heads on them, and the devil heads were eating little babies, and the babies were screaming.

In order to improve your long-term patient success rates and avoid a horrible shrieking amok attack with knives and splatter and bloodwrestling in the waiting room, I would suggest an alternative program such as classical music, real jazz, or silence. All of your therapeutic efforts will come to naught if you come out and find that your patients have made of your secretary a blood sacrifice to the Unclean Thing in the Air Vent so that the Michael Bolton might Finally Stop.

Also, as an aside, you weren’t very reassuring today when you stuttered six times trying to say the word “productivity”. But hey, it was a Friday.

Hugs,

Substitute

“My girlfriend, she’s the first girlfriend that’s hit me and I haven’t hit back.”

1. The throttle lever could become stuck leading to loss of speed control and possible collision.
2. The starter ring gear may crack, causing fragmentation and debris, which may act as a projectile at high speeds. A projectile could cause serious injury or death.

Sounds like a typical day snowmobiling to me, actually. Except with more beer.

I’m not going to ask zebulon_y where he found this

1. “There is one detail I should mention about myself which I think really underscores what a great provider she is. I am not a physically attractive customer.”
2. Her best feature(I had to ad a S) are her smile, her body, her innocent attitude and when she told me she loves sex I fell in love with her.
3. “Well i will not go into any details but she gets a 88%”.

Hours of fun for the entire family cynical bastards like me.

http://www.nolongerlonely.com/

Courtesy zebulon_y we have possibly the worst dating service concept yet. I thought the “regular” services were basically neurosis farms, but this is going to be Distilled Essence of Trouble.

Ideally they’d use some type of patented DSM-IV/Dewey Decimal sorting algorithm to match people but of course, just like the rest of life, the ill-fitting people are going to meet each other.

I’ve known several crazy couples that worked fine, because they were understanding of each others’ crazy and aware of their own. I think the outcome of this service will be different.

Also, let’s now light a candle and think good thoughts about whomever does customer service there. For now, I’ll be posting my ad:

SWM, 39 seeks SWF 25-45. I’m depressive and messy with intimacy issues. You’re cold, withdrawn, and harshly critical. Let’s make beautiful music together! No fatties, coke whores, or dissociative psychotics. I enjoy pets, travel, and weeks-long spirals of self-loathing and suicidal ideation. If you have sharps privileges and have been an outpatient for a while, give me a call!

The latest article on Content Goes Here: The Golem of the Gridiron (For Todd Marinovich).

http://www.fs.fed.us/gpnf/volcanocams/msh/

This tool thinks we need to destroy Islam and burn everything and kill lots of civilians, probably with a broadsword.

I say let him start out by clearing some minefields for us, or something. We’ll lose less 19-year-old soldiers that way. Let the professors of education be first in the breach!

His gibbering call for blood is here.

But who’s been lasering the hell out of commercial airlines! Someone could get his eye put out. Seriously why isn’t that front page news? La-sers and terror and planes oh my.

I really like the SK2. It fits better in the pocket, has great reception, and has a camera. So now I have a better internet device and I don’t need a cheap digicam any more. Yay.

There are currently two classes of problem in my life: ones that with careful attention and proper technique I can slowly solve, and huge monoliths of doom that resist all attempts at amelioration. I wish that the monoliths weren’t the two most important things to me.

Many of my friends are moving places. I realize that this is because they’re at turning points in their lives where it makes sense to physically move. This is about the third set of friends that has gone on with their lives; I remain, the still center of an unchanging world.

I want to gay-marry John Zorn.

Too many hiptops and one pretty Lebanese woman on a tuesday afternoon.