Stoatmaster9000 unearthed a cache of Left Behind fan fiction.

Already we have a winner here just because there’s Evangelical Christian fanfic. Nothing very slashy, which is good for everyone’s sanity. However, as Mr. Stoat pointed out, there are serious theological problems with warning about “spoilers for Glorious Appearance”. Can there be a Dispensationalist spoiler? Who writes or reads fan fiction about the end of the world? Why me? Why anyone? WHY ME?

Sorry, got carried away there for a sec. But wait. If there’s fic about the Left Behind books, is there going to be a lot of fanfic about the.. um.. you know.. BIBLE? Why yes, at least 733 people have written some.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be writing some steamy slash about Hap-Pea and Pea Wee. The possibilities are endless.

Stoatmaster9000: muppet commentary on politics would actually really rock.
Stoatmaster9000: Crossfire meets Greg the Bunny.
substitute: Sam the Eagle versus Dr. Bunsen Honeydew on stem cell research
Stoatmaster9000: I would pay good money.
substitute: Miss Piggy throatpunching Tucker Carlson, etc
Stoatmaster9000: Pigs… In… Congress…
substitute: Newt Gingrich and Gonzo discuss the flat tax (BLATT BLATT)
Stoatmaster9000: Chickens vs. Thinktank whitepaper authors…
substitute: Karl Rove Attempts to Explain Child Care Cutbacks to Elmo
Stoatmaster9000: Karl Rove push-polls questions about Kermit’s possible past as a transvestite rapist!
substitute: Ann Coulter fails to belittle Oscar the Grouch
Stoatmaster9000: “Would you still support this muppet if..?”
substitute: Donald Rumseld Totally Ignores Mr. Snuffleupagus For Three Years
Stoatmaster9000: Bert and Ernie intern at Talon News!
eyeteeth: “Many uninsured Americans are forced to choose between paying for food and paying for medicine. My assistant Beaker will demonstrate.”
Stoatmaster9000:
substitute: chickens everywhere
eyeteeth: Howard Dean gets into shouting match with Statler and Waldorf.

If you’re down with West Coast Christians, you can keep your ominously Teutonic biker chic, your Hell’s Angels culture of violence, your wannabe Nazi/wannabe criminal poseur lifestyle, and your MTV style gang insignia.. and still LOVE THE LORD!!!!!!!!1!!

And this was your daily installment of “Orange County, CA is run by actual unironic Hitler-Type Nazis”. Courtesy the_silent_one.

On the minus side, okcupid has people who say things like:

stuff i <333:: SHOPPIN. mah chix. MOVIES. bein in <3. SWEET KISSES. d&b. DANCIN! sour apple martinis. AMERICAN EAGLE. hollister. PARTYIN! surfers. SKATERS. dancin in tha rain. WALKS IN THE RAIN. hot guys. GOSSIP GIRL. chyllen in tha hot tub. MINI SKIRTS. green eyes….

On the plus side, they have guerramondragon. Hey K, you wanna go for coffee?

Crap it’s late.

WHAT

HUGS,

AMERICAN PEOPLE

President Jerkcity: NOT ENOUGH METH IN THE WHITEHOUSE (Y/N)????
substitute: LYNNE CHENEY NEEDED IT ALL (TUPPERWARE/FISTING PARTY)
presidential fake reporter/ho scandal funnies in AIM

The “joy stick” all natural spicy pork stick

At http://www.thejoystick.com/

Failed items were: idle control valve, and one motor mount. Thank the gods I had an extended warranty on the thing so I’m only out $50. Now let’s see if I’ll actually get it back today.

I saw the scariest man in Costa Mesa today at the Borders in the magazine section. He was a fortyish surfer/skater type covered in tattoos, including most of his head and face. Most notably he had a large red and black swastika on his skull with some writing in German around it. He was not attempting to conceal this at all. Eep. His rockabilly woman was somewhat tatted up too but not like him. I swear his entire head was illustrated with malevolent shit. I wanted to see it more in detail but I was afraid of looking at him too long.

I get to take the car in tomorrow because the “check engine” light is on. I foresee a delightful day of waiting around, not being called, calling them, and them trying to screw me on the warranty so I pay for the service somehow. Hurf.

I have a stomach ache, I’m broke, and it’s perilously close to Big 5 Time.