Author: substitute

nope

In which I am a great big nerd

There’s a billboard on my commute for a company that’s hiring technical people. They’re using Unix commands in the ad to attract the people they want, so the ad says:

Want to tail -f the latest thing? Then wget http://some/company/url!

Whenever I go by I think “No, I’d want to tail -F in that case, because the latest thing always ends pretty quick and the next one arrives.”

Motorcycle club fear

Dear Internet:

I was driving down Western Avenue in Los Angeles last night and a biker guy pulled into traffic ahead of me on his large Harley.

He was wearing the colors of the Chosen Few Motorcycle Club, which is an old school black west coast outfit I’d heard of.

He was also wearing a FULL FACE SHINY METAL GRINNING SKULL DEATH MASK.

I have questions.

Do these guys often wear shiny skull masks?

If not, was he wearing the skull mask for a special occasion like an initiation or baby shower?

If not, was he wearing the mask in order to go do some crimes?

If not, was he wearing the mask because he’s a complete goofball and does stuff like this all the time and the other guys are all “there goes Eugene again!”

If not, was he perhaps not an African-American motorcycle club member at all but one of the numberless army of the dead who walk the earth until the end of days who decided to motorcycle instead of walking?

I thank you for your attention to this matter.

howl (slight return)

I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by marketing, whining hypocritical baked, driving themselves through suburban streets at lunch looking for angry fries, blackglasses hipsters moping for the newest beeping connection to the media death star in the machinery of night, who privilege and misery and hollow-eyed high sat up smoking in the supernatural glow of high-speed internet buying every new dead idea contemplating not

Regency

The word implies aristocracy, wealth, romance, opulence, and a continuous social scene of balls and parties and comings-out. The legacy of ten thousand Jane Austen imitators has made a million prides and prejudices into a story form called simply “a Regency.” And the frothy effortless wealth implied in that word has glued it to every kind of product: cars, air fresheners, pet foods, mobile home parks, bathroom tile, insurance plans. For a whole generation it was the noise that meant luxury and sophistication in a perfectly generic context.

The other night I was taking the long way home down Pickering in Whittier and saw this place: http://rcci.org/

It is a religious organization that started as a church and is now an entire complex, what we call a “mega-church.” As usual it is a charismatic Protestant Christian organization. The church inhabits a working-class town with a broadly diverse population.

My guess is that “Regency” got put on their name in the beginning because it just sounded good. The name suggests success and respect. I doubt anyone meant to suggest that the church would consist of a series of fancy balls in which young ladies and young gentlemen would waltz and exchange witticisms over ices and champagne. I don’t think they use Regencies as texts in Bible study, either. It’s probably just a bit of American class-conscious marketing languages seeping in.

But what would it be like if the church was based on an actual theological regency? God is somehow incapacitated, and Jesus is too young to run the Universe. So we’ll just help out, here, and run things on behalf of the kid until he’s ready. It may take a while! Lord knows it’s complicated running everything and he’s barely sitting up in his crib.

This is going well. Let’s throw some parties! Lots of them! Bring out the champagne and ices!

Being God’s regent in Whittier, California might not be such a bad gig. But I don’t think I’ll suggest it to the pastor. He and his wife seem settled enough with their current theology.

A series of lists

  1. Things I observed taking the long way home from downtown through southeast Los Angeles today
    • Norms Restaurant with neon failure renaming it NOMS
    • Burger joint with neon failure resulting in BUGERS
    • Small business offering INTERNET AND COMPUTER HELP $2/HR WEB / MESSENGER / MYSPACE
    • Cop trying to fix his own cop car
    • One out of five businesses of any kind offering free wi-fi
  2. Things I lost today and then recovered
    • My wallet, which fell out of my pants and then under my car in the garage at work. Found during trip back to garage from office.
    • A credit card, which fell out of the wallet as the wallet fell out of my pants, arriving at a point under the car eight inches further. Found during second, more frustrated trip to garage.
    • A check worth way more than I can afford to lose, found in wrong envelope in small stack of things to throw away on seat of car.
    • Sunglasses (TWICE)
  3. Things heard on the emergency services radio on my scanner in the last week
    • Robbery with suspect being sought: six foot three male wearing oversized foam cowboy hat and carrying (stolen) inflatable parrot toy
    • Fire consisting of a “fully involved roll of toilet paper”
    • The Rodriguez brothers again
    • Person returning once again to store where he had stolen the same thing six times
  4. Phrases I heard at the Harbor & Adams Starbucks on the way home
    • “Standing in the studs”
    • “The Asian lady at the post office was particularly durable”
    • “Street monster”
    • “It was like I just kept flipping over rocks and seeing the same bugs each time”