21 thoughts on “These five simple words

  1. Um, wow. Just the photo in that article is scary. I remember when she looked cute or hot rather than “wearing a frightening amount of makeup and hairspray”.

  2. DUDE! thanks for posting this…
    I saw the 5 words and I was like “yeah thats gonna suck” and then i previewed the site and they said “the album is going to drop” Whenever they say an album is going to drop… that HAS to be secret underground code for “this piece of shit is going to be foisted on the public whether they like it or not”
    Now i just need to figure out the secret underground code for “this album is going to change the way you think about music in a good way.” not that anything in the last 30 years has that effect.

  3. Thing is, it may be an advantage if she’s just a technically adequate singer, because if one can ape the growling and the persona, it could be merely “not bad” instead of “travesty.” Tom’s really gracious about it, too.
    Tom Waits: I don’t know if I’m excited to hear it, but I’m curious. People make songs so that somebody else will hear them and want to do them. I guess it’s an indication that the songs aren’t so ultra-personal that they can’t possibly be interpreted by anyone else. I’ve seen her in movies. I don’t know what she’s going to do with the tunes. When you get a hold of somebody else’s song, you make it your own. That’s all you can do. And that usually requires a certain amount of tailoring. Cut the sleeves off, lay some buttons. Everybody does something different to a song, that’s the tradition.

  4. Hollywood unoriginality is the Fifth Horseman
    I just see no other outcome for this album than soul suckingly bad. Jesus, I just got a brainache imagining her singing “Warm beer…cold women…”. And “Summertime”? Does this woman have no friends to give her the reality check she apparently needs? Thanks, Conrad, for further lowering my expectations of music these days. 🙂

    1. When she isn’t covered in wax and inflated she’s a very beautiful woman.
      But if she wants to sing Tom Waits to me she’s got to do me first.

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