DEAR THE CINGULAR/AT&T PHONE COMPANY

I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE IT IF:

MY PHONE RANG WHEN PEOPLE CALLED ME INSTEAD OF SENDING THEM TO VOICE MAIL

THE VOICE MAIL INDICATOR WOULD SHOW THAT I HAD RECEIVED SAID VOICEMAIL SOONER THAN 12 HOURS LATER

THE PHONE WOULD NOT CRASH WHEN LEFT UNATTENDED

THE PHONE, WHEN RESTARTED, WOULD REMEMBER MY NETWORK PASSWORD SO THAT I COULD USE ITS NETWORK FEATURES

THE PHONE, WHEN RESTARTED, WOULD REMEMBER MY WIFI AUTHENTICATION FOR SIMILAR REASONS

THERE WAS ANY INDICATION THAT ANYONE KNEW OR CARED THAT THESE PROBLEMS ARE OCCURRING

BEST,

substitute

7 thoughts on “DEAR THE CINGULAR/AT&T PHONE COMPANY

  1. UI LATENCIES WOULDN’T SPIRAL TOWARDS SEVEN SECONDS ANYTIME THE RADIO IS ACTIVATED
    THE PHONE, WHEN STARTING FROM AN INEVITABLE CRASH, WOULDN’T PAUSE FOR A FOUR SECOND BRANDING VIDEO
    THE INDUSTRY’S PREFERRED HOTKEYS TO HUSTLE INTO THE VOICEMAIL PROMPT WOULD NOT CHANGE EVERY EIGHT MONTHS
    THE VOICEMAIL ROBOT BITCH WOULD SPEAK THE TIME JUST A LITTLE FASTER
    THE VOICEMAIL ROBOT BITCH WOULD NOT SNIDELY INFORM ME THAT I HAVE *NO* NEW MESSAGES, SUBTLY IMPLYING THAT I AM A FRIENDLESS LONELY WASTE OF CARBON WHO WILL PERISH ALONE

  2. no kidding.. my work phone does that, and all the supervisors get mad when I don’t call them back.. then I get 10 messages 4 days later.

  3. Dear _Mr._X_Substitute_:
    Thank you for your valuable feedback regarding the quality of your experience with the new AT&T, formerly Cingular. To help you adjust to the parameters of your new service provider, it’s our pleasure to provide you with a personalized response to your concerns.
    Q. Why doesn’t my phone ring when my friends call? They just get sent to voice mail!
    A. The new AT&T system is designed to facilitate mobile customers communicating AT&T’s rapidly expanding circle of affiliated service providers. We’ve found that most residential customers only make outgoing calls, so we’ve tailored our service to meet that demand. If you’re interested in receiving incoming calls, the new AT&T offers a range of business service plans to meet your needs.
    Q. Why does my phone “crash” and forget my passwords when I leave it unattended?
    A. From time to time, the new AT&T system updates the firmware and configuration of your phone automatically over the wireless network. We do this to provide an ever expanding array of exciting new opportunities to connect. These configuration updates often require your phone to restart, and sometimes this procedure requires you to reinitialize your handset for security purposes.
    Q. Is there any indication that anyone knows or cares about my problems?
    A. As a global company touching diverse customers and markets, the new AT&T values individual perspectives and connects with customers through a variety of outreach efforts. Please stand by. A customer satisfaction evangelist will be available to receive your supplications at the earliest available opportunity.

  4. MY PHONE RANG WHEN PEOPLE CALLED ME INSTEAD OF SENDING THEM TO VOICE MAIL
    THE VOICE MAIL INDICATOR WOULD SHOW THAT I HAD RECEIVED SAID VOICEMAIL SOONER THAN 12 HOURS LATER

    This has been happening to me a lot recently.

  5. Re: Condolences
    ps. When I first saw your subject line I thought it was addressed to
    The Cingulariat Phone Co. I could at once imagine their building looming above me, a darker Secratariat staffed staffed a Russian-style bureaucracy.

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