If the Medical Establishment doesn’t get its ass in gear by about, oh, noon tomorrow and deal with my problem I am going to carry out the first completely left-handed mass murder in history. Currently I have had no useful help from my “primary” internal medicine physician, a physical therapy clinic, a neurologist, and a pharmacy. My best improvements have come from Home Science investigating my shoulder and what makes it feel better. I have, I think, successfully diagnosed a rotator cuff inflammation or tear. If they’d just fucking tell me whether it’s a tear or not I’d write them a check.

Last week the neurologist, who is currently “investigating” me and ordered the MRI, was out of town. No one told me this and I was leaving increasingly testy messages on his scheduler’s voicemail. She didn’t call me back. Finally I called the internal medicine office, because he’d said: If they don’t call back, don’t worry. The doctor is great but the office is a nightmare. Call me. Two minutes after that call, the schedule for the neurologist called me back. Why is this all being done Soviet style?

Currently I am self-medicating with alcohol. Yes, I know that’s stupid. Tomorrow I shall explain to any doctor who answers or returns my calls that I am sliding into Under the Volcano and I need either medically approved relief or a plan for fixing the problem: preferably necessarily both.

Otherwise I will show up wild-eyed and unshaven at the emergency room demanding some combination of opiates, steroids, acupuncture, inaccupuncture. sodomy, and surgery. I’ve had it! So, it’ll be fixed I’m sure.

Finally I’d like to say that I have only been reading back a screen or so a day of the LJ because after I’ve done work and blathered my own posts and had 8.9 margaritas and hugged the cat I still can’t do that much web browsing without flailing and moaning in pain. Yes, that’s self-pity. Yes, it’s for real.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: bodies are overrated.


  1. Pinhead will sodomize you for great justice I’m sure. That’s good because it’s bonus acupuncture kind of by definition.
    I’m sorry about your pain and even sorrier that I must add to it by pointing out that you went crazy with the strikethrough and/or Cheez Wiz in this post.

  2. when we flew back from Australia my wife was ailing: we spent 14 hours on a cot in the hallway of the emergency room, it suuuuuucked
    have I ever given you Alastair Galbraith’s great line “see how little a body makes you”? well, I have now, anyway

  3. Soviet Style
    They probably called you back because it sounds like they’re afraid you complain to the medical board regarding physician abandonment.

  4. ahhhhh, the sum of an overpopulated earth. Take a number, wait your turn and try not to think about the fact that your experts are busy looking this up in “Orthopedics for Dummies”
    Good Luck

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