Boyfriends

Boyfriends are different from me.

Boyfriends are smart, like me. But they are also athletic or tough guys. Sometimes they aren’t athletic any more, or they have stopped being tough guys. But they were before. They are self-deprecating or ironic about being tough guys or athletes. They get to be smart and also be tough guys and very physical.

Boyfriends have good taste, like me. But they’re also clean and well-organized. They have several credit cards and a car that is in good repair. Most of them ride motorcycles, too. Sometimes they were tough guys or athletic on motorcycles before and now they just have one. They appreciate the arts and literature and also go very fast on motorcycles and on their cars taht are in good repair.

Boyfriends can travel and buy nice things for themselves and for their girlfriends because they have good office jobs and several credit cards. They know how to not run out of money and they are always able to pay for things when it’s necessary. Their apartments have cool stuff in them even if the apartments are very small.

Boyfriends are nice guys, like me. But they are aggressive too. They persist and get things that they want. Sometimes they’re angry a lot because they need to be angry to get what they want. They are not shy about demonstrating dominance but they are still nice guys.

Not all women date boyfriends. Some boyfriends marry and are technically husbands then but they are still boyfriends. It is not a role; it is a particular type of guy. Some guys that I know are boyfriends and some are not.

Edit: They almost all wear glasses. I don’t know why. Sweaters, too.

Boyfriends sometimes say that they are dorks or geeks or outcasts. Sometimes their girlfriends say this about them too. It is not true, though. That’s why it is said.

HI folks. Meet Cliff.

Cliff likes to sing and make songs. Cliff also never, ever wants to get a speeding ticket, ever again. So Cliff recorded something about his heroes.

I found out about this because the CHP’s homepage plays this song, unasked, when you visit them.

In case you don’t have Real’s plugin running on your browser, I’ve captured the magic for you in this mp3 file (4M).

And that’s today’s Law Enforcement Music Update.

I suggest a fire.

It’s great to see that Tower is continuing to overprice even during their final dying going-out-of-business sale. The CDs and DVDs are all 10% off the insane list price no one pays. Whee.

Three-month-old magazines are 30% off, though, if you’re into those.

Thou shalt not blog

via cruel.com:

Blogs – And God’s Youth.

Just don’t, kids. It’s not good to “want a voice,” and you shouldn’t be tempted by quizzes about flirtation. Plus, idle words are evil. Fortunately I am a professional and a specialist so I get to have one if I want.

About a third of what this guy says is dead on, of course. Blogs are blather, the “current mood” is ridiculous, and posting quizzes and babbling about nothing is in fact a huge waste of time. Point taken. He allows email and instant messaging, though. You’d think that recent events would have given him pause especially about IMing. My favorite paragraph:

Then there is the language itself. Here is a mild example: “If your a hater then whateva i dont have time 4 your negativity in my positive world.” Phrases such as “screwed up,” “I dunno,” and every type of swear word are commonly used. One blog by a young twentysomething in a splinter used the acronym “OMG,” which is a shorthand way to take God’s name in vain.

Wasn’t Tyre incinerated because they kept saying “I dunno”?

DEAR STUART: I HAVE CONCERNS ABOUT THE BUNNY

Dear changeng:

Bunny.

Bunny Maintenance

Please explain:

  1. Your bunny.
  2. Why the bunny slowly gyrates some times but not other times.
  3. Why the bunny’s crotch is mic’d.
  4. What the bunny maintenance procedure is that you’re performing above.
  5. Why the bunny performed only during a Doors song.

Thanks in advance,

Your terrified audience, substitute

P.S. I know you say you haven’t read it, but I keep thinking about Leisuretown