Snakes finding out about shitty charter airlines

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zebulon_y and I were going back and forth about the whole SNAKES ON A PLANE movie meme/joke/thing. I realized that there were important prequels, sequels, and spinoffs, including:

  • Snakes stuck in traffic on the 405 at La Cienega on the way to the airport
  • Snakes getting dumped in Salt Lake City by Delta and having to pay for the motel themselves because it was an Act of God and only getting a shitty little personal care kit and a free van ride out of it
  • Snakes taking RyanAir to Stockholm but going to the wrong airport that’s so far away from town that the four hour cab ride totally fucks them and they might as well have taken Lufthansa, plus they miss their appointment
  • Snakes stuck watching Serving Sara for 90 minutes with no sound, which is only marginally better than hearing the horrible dialogue
  • Snakes getting the shits something fierce after eating a ham sandwich from a dubious vendor at the Baltimore airport
  • Snakes arriving at Philadelphia only to find out that their luggage was sent to Pittsburgh instead due to a tagging failure and will not be available for two days
  • Snakes on a bus from Ontario to Santa Ana at 2:30 in the morning because they missed the last flight into SNA before it closed and got dumped 40 miles away

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10 thoughts on “Snakes finding out about shitty charter airlines”

  1. *Snakes finding at the last minute that their flight to Pr0tland is cancelled and winding up in Seattle and a 4 hour layover before a 20-seat prop flight to Pr0tland. Oh wait: that was my parents last week.
    *Snakes deciding to take the Amtrack instead to BFN, Oregan where Mr Snakes folks live and getting there 4 hours late and having to wait in a Econo Lube-n-Tune sized train station; and then the return trip arriving 8 hours late (that’s 23 hours, folks). Oh, wait: that was bass player Todd, not snakes.

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  3. Snakes getting a bargain flight on United and taking the el to the airport early to deal with security and congratulating themselves for being frugal and prompt until a few stops from the airport they realize they’re heading to O’Hare and the flight is out of Midway, resulting in a $60 taxi ride in with the snakes so full of panic they are pulsating tubes of hyperventilating anxiety. Snakes wriggling to front of security line going “ohpleaseohplease” and finding strangers are very kind when reptilian eyes are full of tears, or the snakes are freaking them out so bad they let them pass. Snakes just making the plane sitting down and instantly passing out into something which is not so much sleep as a traumatized coma until the land in San Francisco hours later.

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  4. This little snakey went to Topeka
    This little snakey stayed at home
    This little snakey had roast babies
    This little snakey had none
    This little snakey went hiss hiss hiss all the way home

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  6. * Snakes hitchhiking across the country, following their favorite band. (How they stick out their thumbs is a big plot twist that I won’t spoil here.)
    * Snakes at sea, hunting a monster, only to discover it is a newfangled “submersible” vehicle and get taken prisoner on board.
    * Snakes take psychedelic adventure on musical submarine, defeats the Blue Meanies, Snapping Turtle Turks, etc.
    * Snakes stow away in a De Lorean, go back in time, accidentally change history.
    * Snakes visited by a future version of themselves, who arrived in a telephone booth. Party on!
    * Snakes in space, fall through wormhole, discover a planet inhabited entirely by lizards. They then discover the remnants of The Statue of Liberty.
    * Snake gets locked in bank vault during nuclear holocaust, emerges to a peacefully quiet world in which it can read books all day, but accidentally breaks reading glasses.
    * Snake spins yarn for entire movie, turns out to be Keyser Söze.

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