Snakes finding out about shitty charter airlines

zebulon_y and I were going back and forth about the whole SNAKES ON A PLANE movie meme/joke/thing. I realized that there were important prequels, sequels, and spinoffs, including:

  • Snakes stuck in traffic on the 405 at La Cienega on the way to the airport
  • Snakes getting dumped in Salt Lake City by Delta and having to pay for the motel themselves because it was an Act of God and only getting a shitty little personal care kit and a free van ride out of it
  • Snakes taking RyanAir to Stockholm but going to the wrong airport that’s so far away from town that the four hour cab ride totally fucks them and they might as well have taken Lufthansa, plus they miss their appointment
  • Snakes stuck watching Serving Sara for 90 minutes with no sound, which is only marginally better than hearing the horrible dialogue
  • Snakes getting the shits something fierce after eating a ham sandwich from a dubious vendor at the Baltimore airport
  • Snakes arriving at Philadelphia only to find out that their luggage was sent to Pittsburgh instead due to a tagging failure and will not be available for two days
  • Snakes on a bus from Ontario to Santa Ana at 2:30 in the morning because they missed the last flight into SNA before it closed and got dumped 40 miles away

not so big. not so smart.

The marketers at the coffeehouse have decided to “brand” the chain as something different, something fun, something personal, and something not at all Starbucks. Good idea. They’ve done this by issuing brochures full of adjectives in large white sans serif fonts, and by a poster campaign of customers and employees sharing their differentness and specialness and not at all Starbucks ness. It’s the last few Apple ad campaigns, basically. Bad idea.

We’re responding with the most mature and sensible thing we could think of: Photoshop contest! Well, not really contest in that we have no prizes and no one cares. But we intend to amuse each other. I took bad digital pictures of the posters tonight, so you can see what they’re like. Prepare yourselves for lens flare and blurring and other artifacts of the night shot. I suggest you start over with your pics and just try to simulate the ads rather than actually using these as models.

If you don’t live around here or don’t go to this place, this will be uninteresting to you. Carry on!

Edit: If you want to be in the one of the ads, go ahead:

Edit Edit: The Register has a story from last year (!) about this ad campaign, in which they have also managed to insult the U.S. Marines. The campaign was created an ad agency in media hub Dana Point called “Collective Energy”. I had no idea they had 473 stores. Where the hell are all those?