I feel more like Malvolio

This one is flying around myspace, etc. You put in your name in a quoted string followed by “looks like” and see what Google says. My first result:

“On the surface, Conrad looks like a cute kid — like Opie from Mayberry.”

Even better, it’s from this news story: Baby-faced Arizona Teen Struggles With Drugs, Mental Disorders, Abusive Past

Aug. 4, 2005 — – On the surface, Conrad looks like a cute kid — like Opie from Mayberry. But he isn’t.

He’s 16 years old, and just under 70 lbs — because he was hooked on meth and not eating or sleeping. He’s about five feet tall — and his rap sheet is taller than he is.

He’s been banned from mainstream schools in the state of Arizona because of numerous fights, thefts, weapons charges, drugs and alcohol.

The worst thing he’s ever done? “Oh, I assaulted someone, with a knife,” he said. “He made me mad, so I hurt him.”

So when “Primetime” recently visited the Adobe Mountain School, one of the “safe schools” in Arizona’s juvenile corrections system, Conrad was there for the third time.

He had been charged with possession of drug paraphernalia. He told “Primetime” co-anchor he hoped it would be his last visit.

“I’m here to learn and to not make the mistakes again, so I don’t come back here for the fourth time,” he said.

Tracing Back

Conrad says his troubles stem from drugs. “I got hooked on drugs. Doing drugs with my mom,” he said.

Conrad also has a history of fighting. “I grew up being abused, physically and emotionally and mentally abused by my mom. And now ever since I came out to Arizona, I’ve been a very, very angry kid,” he said.

Many kids make claims, but state records show Conrad’s mother pled no contest to child cruelty and Conrad was taken into state custody for stints when just a child.

Conrad was this way even when he was young. People tried to treat him with discipline and talk therapy, but they were not much use.

Eventually, doctors diagnosed him with bi-polar and attention deficit disorders, and on his second visit to Adobe, they found that an expensive drug called Trileptol showed signs of helping.

Conrad calls it a “mood stabilizer.” His stepmother says when he takes it, “he’s calmed down a whole lot. The medicine makes a big difference for him.”

Unfortunately, when Conrad was released that second time, his parents could not afford to keep up his prescription, and insurance wouldn’t pay.

Conrad quickly spun out of control — “breaking into cars, stealing things, just general bad behavior,” his father said.

“My dad told me to stay home. I told him you’re not the boss of me. You can go to hell. And I just walked out.”

A Test for Conrad

Conrad’s parents recently found a way to get the medication he needs when he leaves Adobe. The rest is now up to him.

He is still working on changing, struggling with volatile moods, and learning to focus. “Most of the time with staff when they tell me no it’s a test for me. Sometimes I handle it like I should and like sometimes I don’t,” he said.

“I want to behave differently,” Conrad told Cuomo. “I was put on this earth for a reason, and it wasn’t to be bad, it was to do what I have to not go to jail.” Conrad has an interest in flying planes and a friend of his parents promised him if he gets out and behaves he would give him flying lessons.

19 thoughts on “I feel more like Malvolio

  1. “Lisa looks like she’s going to look great AND be comfortable! Who could ask for
    more?”
    From a knitting page, with a photo of some horrid pink sweater-thing. I would be so uncomfortable in it that I would probably have to resort to random violence.

      1. Re: aiigh
        Not only that, but I have just received my new assignment: religious fiction. “Love, hate, prejudice, and a great event all take place in this average town.”
        Oh yeah. Violence for certain.

      2. Re: aiigh
        Who’s going to save the day? The Horque Valley High Christian Club? The Baptist Ladies Sewing Circle of Grande Bouffe, Michigan?

    1. Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!

  2. “susie looks like she is pround that she jump up on the tailgate.”
    Now, their Engrish is a little off, but I must say, I would have preferred to conquer the tailgate than have the tailgate conquer me.

  3. Choose your OWN adventure!!!!
    The first two results…take your pick from:
    “[Zeb] looks like Ed from Northern Exposure.”
    orrrrrrrrr
    “[Zeb] looks like the number one right-hand man to the Dark Lord”

    1. Re: Choose your OWN adventure!!!!
      THE MOUTH OF SAURON DESIRES MORE CHOCOLATE PUDDING AND THE FORTHCOMING BOXED SET OF THE CAREER OF ZHANG ZHYI

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