This Holiday Season, Why Not Feed Lead Paint to Toddlers?

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  1. Josef Hoflehner takes hauntingly beautiful photos of Iceland.
  2. For designers, a hilarious wall of shame: the B3ta Phallic Logo Awards!
  3. Waiterrants documents one server’s seduction of an entire table.
  4. Courtesy we make money not art, I find out that Fritz Lang’s classic murder thriller “M” is available for download free in its entirety from the Internet Archive.
  5. Yo momma so fat, they need a longer needle to stick her in the ass. The interesting part, actually, is the criticism of the numbers at the end. I’m glad someone actually looks at things like that.
  6. My two favorite Christmas songs are “Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis” by Tom Waits as sung by Neko Case, and “Brick” by Ben Folds. YES, I AM STILL A CHARACTER ON GRINCHCITY.
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12 thoughts on “This Holiday Season, Why Not Feed Lead Paint to Toddlers?”

  3. Fritz Lang’s classic murder thriller “M” is available for download free in its entirety from the Internet Archive.
    Holy shit.
    I wonder what the difference in quality is between that and the criterion edition.

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  7. The “Mystery Science Theater 3000” episode featuring the movie Santa Claus Conquers the Martians also features a new Christmas standard composed by Crow: “Let’s Have A Patrick Swayze Christmas.” It features such lines as “It’s my way or the highway this Christmas at my bar/I’ll have to smash your kneecaps if you bastards touch my car.” That’s a song I wouldn’t mind hearing on the radio for five weeks straight. That and “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” and the Kinks’ “Father Christmas,” and it’d be all good. Oh, and maybe Run-DMC, for the line “Oh mah Gawd, a ill reindeer!” Everyone else can go screw.

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    2. Pansy Division classic
      Homo Christmas
      You’ll probably get sweaters
      Underwear and socks
      But what you’d really like for Christmas
      Is a nice hard cock
      You deserve a cute boy
      Who’s horny and queer
      To make the most out of Christmas cheer
      I wanna be your Christmas present
      I wanna be your Christmas queer
      I wanna be your Cristmas present
      Have a homo Christmas this year
      Don’t be miserable
      Like Morrissey
      Let me do you
      Underneath the Christmas tree
      We’ll push the packages
      Out of the way
      And after you’ve unwrapped me
      Naked on the floor we’ll play
      Your family
      Won’t give you encouragement
      But let me give you
      Sexual nourishment
      Licking nipples
      Licking nuts
      Putting candy canes
      Up each other’s butts

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