Despite a couple of nasty troughs, it was still relatively good brain weather since Wednesday. My LJ despair fits are accurate about certain parts of the cycle. And the situation is pretty bad on a few levels. But at least the last week or so has been about 80% unhappily stable and only 20% Pray For Death. I can do that ratio for a few months for a big enough payoff.
I am concerned about alienating people, though. Raw despair isn’t exactly “selling yourself”, nor is flailing anger. It’s what I’ve got, and it’s true, and I can’t really avoid communicating it. That’s not who I am, though. It’s who I’m crawling out of, with whatever strength I can dig up.
No doubt part of my sense that I’m losing friends is due to an understandable flinch away from someone who’s having a hard time and not hiding it.
Good thing the cat doesn’t care, eh?