Pearls from the mouth of Trout

From the patio tonight.

No digging takes 24 hours! You have to show up and do Shovel 101, and then drink. And then you pour some water on the concrete and stand around and bullshit and drink. And someone pees on it, you know that slows it up. And you put a lot of water around and you drink some more. And just as the boss shows up you swing a mattock at the wet stuff.

So I used to get diet pills from this doctor in Clifton New Jersey, because I wanted to deal dope. You know, I was working for Reuters in Manhattan and living in New Jersey, paid the mob to get a cheap apartment. This guy had all these fat ladies showing up and he was giving them pills: pink pills, blue pills, grey pills. The pink ones were soft stuff, the blue ones were for lunch! and the grey ones were pretty heavy shit. He had these ladies taking a pink one with a grey booster and then a blue one and another blue one, it was crazy.

So my buddy and I were going to try them to see what that was like. We were both Vietnam vets, jam the morphine in your leg and get in the chopper and let’s fly. This guy, he once put some rhino trank in his eye and was in the fetal position for 12 hours. You get it. So we took a pink one and well, whatever, nothing much. Then we took a grey one and a day and a half later we’re still jaw jaw jaw jaw fucking jabbering. And those ladies were taking five, six, seven of them a day? I had a fishbowl full of them. He kept giving me more because I wasn’t losing weight.

…Anyway yeah, Lisa. About 15 years ago, a bartender introduced us. She was selling these steam cleaning things, you know how they send teenagers to your door to sell you a vacuum or some shit and they’re persistent, yeah she was doing that selling steam apparatus of some kind, carpet cleaning, for restaurants. And she was a very persistent person, sold a lot of these, she was making a lot of money. Everyone kept telling her to slow down on the speed, but she didn’t. I think she’s in somewhere again, or still.

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