I forgot to mention the really funny part about this drug. It’s called Adderall, and the package with the magic card on it noted that I was joining the ADDERALL ACHIEVERS!! Which of course reminded me of the Coffee Achievers ads from the 80s.
But the best part was that the box contained not only an infotational booklet about being an Adderall Achiever and how this drug was going to fix my life, but an Adderall Achievers FRIDGE MAGNET! The doctor didn’t believe me at first about this. “They put a what in there?”
So, even if this stuff doesn’t do jack for me I still get a fridge magnet. If things go well, it’ll go next to the Zeppelin Bread one. If poorly, it goes in the section of the fridge full of failed dot com fridge magnets.