DRUGS part 2

I forgot to mention the really funny part about this drug. It’s called Adderall, and the package with the magic card on it noted that I was joining the ADDERALL ACHIEVERS!! Which of course reminded me of the Coffee Achievers ads from the 80s.

But the best part was that the box contained not only an infotational booklet about being an Adderall Achiever and how this drug was going to fix my life, but an Adderall Achievers FRIDGE MAGNET! The doctor didn’t believe me at first about this. “They put a what in there?”

So, even if this stuff doesn’t do jack for me I still get a fridge magnet. If things go well, it’ll go next to the Zeppelin Bread one. If poorly, it goes in the section of the fridge full of failed dot com fridge magnets.

10 thoughts on “DRUGS part 2

  1. Adderall makes everyone I’ve known super-skinny. I’m almost jealous of you. The drug scares me a little bit. I really hope it works for you. You deserve some relief.


  2. I took adderall for one day. Cleaned my whole house, smoked two packs of cigarettes, washed my car, wrote two chapters of a novel and never touched it again.
    However, when I realized I couldnt throw it away “Just in case”, I knew I was using addict behavior.
    Good thing derek stole it and took them all!
    Seriously though, If you actually HAVE ADD its probably great, I was just sort of misdiagnosed or something.


    1. Were the chapters any good? I’ve heard that Adderall increases productivity at the cost of creativity, and, oh my god I guess we *are* living in a 1970s science fiction dystopia?


  3. Drug fridge magnets are incredibly common. I used to have one for every drug I took. Except one, which was made by a company a friend works for – he found out they didn’t have one, but they *did* have a newsletter for it.


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