honk.

I bought the wrong replacement carafe for my coffee maker today. This is a consumer crisis because I am addicted to coffee like you would not believe and I only have this tiny little Bodum which I must detonate like dynamite several times to get the monkey on my back to sleep. This is a tiny problem that affects me more than it should.

My shrink thing was excellent today. This “EMDR” thing is actually starting to show results; I’m able to get more done and I’m less weepy and pathetic. Let’s hear it for Science.

Does anyone know anything about language courses on audio? I’d like to learn more Spanish and I can’t really swing the night school thing. Recommendations cheerfully accepted.

“Asian pears” are really, really good.

Can I be Umberto Eco when I grow up?

12 thoughts on “honk.

  1. Essenskraft of Asian Pears
    I kommand ALL to learn these facts about Asian pears!

    Asian pears get superficial brown bruises rather easily, making them look ugly and making Japanese people sad. However, the bruises are, indeed, merely superficial. You can usually get Asian pears that look perfect because they have been handled with expensive care just to make them look nice; or you can get them at, say, Vietnamese stores for a tiny fraction of the price, because Vietnamese people know that it doesn’t matter if they look a bit beat up, and so happily ship it like normal produce. (Alternate theory: Vietnamese people are just slobs in general.)
    Once you get an Asian pear, put it in the fridge for an hour before eating. It makes them really nice. (But too long in the fridge and you’ll get brain-freeze from them being TOO cold.) Alternative: soak in ice-water.
    Then cut the pear into about six wedges, cutting around the rather inedible core. I use this slicing, here illustrated with colors selected for optimal brain-imprinting:

    (Overhead View)

    You may choose to slice into eight segments instead of six. Or if you are a robot from the future, you will be able, with quick slices, to produce seven identical wedges.
    Then eat the segments by shoving them into your human face one after another.
    Do not share, because sharing is for the weak!
    Don’t eat the skin. (Think of how you’d eat watermelon, leaving the rind.) The skin and the one or two millimeters next to it are a bit bitter.
    END PEAR COMMUNICATION.

  2. i bought the wrong carafe for my coffeemaker months ago and it’s still kicking around my house. one time i listened to spanish tapes, and they were boring and unlistenable. i quickly grew to hate the guy and lady and their retarded conversations.

  3. You can always take the wrong carafe, find yourself some faux diamonds, and superglue them to the side. Bla-dow. You have a Crunk Coffee Carafe. Instead of pouring coffee into a mug, just pour it into the wrong carafe and walk around drinking out of it. People will think you’re Lil Jon.

  4. This “EMDR” thing is actually starting to show results
    I’ve read about that… it’s the eye movement technique, right? Everything I can recall having heard or read about it is that it’s the real deal. Score one for science.
    Does anyone know anything about language courses on audio?
    I’ve heard good things about the Pimsleur method. Also, check out “The Whole World Guide to Language Learning” by I forget who.

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