Nogs.

Many of us enjoy egg nog during these winter holidays, whether spiked or not; the classic custardy beverage with its spicy yet comforting taste is a fave! You may or may not know about the other types of nog that have been tried with varying success over the years:

Beer Nog: A Canadian variant where beer is mixed into the nog instead of rum or brandy. Rarely seen outside Alberta.

Tofu Nog: Invented in Berkeley in 1973. It’s a health food store staple. Many are repelled by the gray, chunky beverage and its faint odor of patchouli, but vegan moms everywhere swear by it.

Kabbalah Nog: Costs $50 a glass and only available in Beverly Hills. Red string at bottom of glass. Later, clutching the toilet bowl, you’ll scream out the secret names of G-d.

Energy Nog!: Based on the traditional recipe but also includes caffeine, taurine, human growth hormone, chromium picolinate, and “flavors”. It’s extreme.

Hemp Nog: Despite what hemp activists may say, this will never supplant the original. Stringy, rough, and self-righteous. Only tastes good when you’re high.

Atkins Nog: The sweetener is replaced with turkey gravy. Only for serious dieters.

Philadelphia Pepper Pot Nog: Has tripe in it. Avoid.

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