I decree

Further set of banned things:

1. Describing a good cigar (or damn near anything else) as “stony”

2. Specifying an income minimum in online personals

3. Fascism. The real thing, I mean, not Mom saying you can’t have the car keys.

4. Valentine’s Day (this is preemptive).

5. Sugarcoating turds. You know who you are.

6. The next election.

7. Reduced fat cheese. Jesus, it’s like foam rubber.

8. Celebrity meltdowns. We non celebrities have enough of those already, thanks.

9. Blaming people for their illnesses.

10. Geek culture. Forget it, folks, the dot-com years are over.

9 thoughts on “I decree

  1. THAT GRANITE I THREW AT YOUR FACE THE OTHER DAY WAS MIGHTY STONY, SIR IN THE NEXT HUMIDOR
    Yeah, you don’t ask for a minimum income, I won’t ask for a minimum bustline, baby. I don’t understand it at all. MY SHALLOWNESS IS OK, BUT YOURS IS INACCEPTABLE.

  2. that was most hilarious.
    especially #2. what if you find a perfectly meaningful relationship with someone, and then you realize they’re a special ed teacher in podunk, whereever, and don’t make squat for a living? WHO CARES if you like the person… but apparently, someone does care. *sigh*

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