So, the fine folks at FOX TV have got hold of the idea that they should make a show about my home town. They didn’t call it Newport Beach, though, they called it The OC referring to the entire county.
Newport Beach, where I live, is a mostly wealthy and very pretty resort town. I’ll deal with stereotypes about Newport some other time but it fits their mold pretty well.
Orange County, however, isn’t so monolithic, and I have an alternative to their program. Mine would be called Stanton or Unincorporated Areas of Anaheim, and would play like a mix of Oz, Bill & Ted’s Big Adventure, Born in East L.A., Requiem for a Dream, and American History X.
It would all take place in one of North-Central Orange County’s hellish decayed suburbs full of meth-addled skinheads, really dumb surfers, violent Mexican gang members, freaked-out cops, and lots and lots of convenience stores. In fact, almost all of the action of each episode could be filmed in a convenience store.
Every week a new cast member would arrive from some hick town to CALIFORNIA!! and be innocent and cute and promptly get beaten or raped or killed or thrown in jail or perhaps just OD. Someone would say “He’s Dead, Jim!” and crack open another 40.
Other possible titles for the show include “Beach and Ball”, “Knott!”, and “Bolsa Boys”.
Be My Blog 
That’s a multi-million dollar idea. Even if it doesn’t make millions, it is figuratively a multi-million dollar idea.
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It would be just like Clerks, without the comedy. Or insight. Or charm. Or brain fluid. Jay would actually be a heroin-addicted short-attention-span crack dealer. Like in real life. Silent Bob would have lost his tongue in an argument with a Vietnamese gansta over a bad speed deal.
Actually, it could be a great show – remember “The Hitchhiker?”. Have Bob Trout do the narration…
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anything with bob trout would be worth watching…
you know… like when you’re making crack…
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Come on dude, don’t knock Anaheim…it’s not that bad. I spent some of my best years there.
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A friend of mine is a fireman in Anaheim. There are areas of Anaheim that they are specifically told not to go into without the police. But hey, I live in Costa Mesa. It’s actually three different cities. East side, which is pretty much like an extension of Newport Boulevard. West side, where the most wanted dude, last time I checked was a high school aged dude wanted for ten gang-related homicides. And finally South Coast Metro, where the middle of the middle class commuters live and the wealthy shop.
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Latin radio..
Why do I get the impression that a weekly rape won’t go over great on prime-time TV?
I first parsed “Beach and Ball” as “Beach and Bail”. From which we could posit the sport of “Beach Bail”. Where you go to a party on the beach, light a fire, drink, smoke, make merry. Cops show up, bash you up, put you in the drunk tank. You get points for the highest bail, and the most demeaning groveling you have to do to get your parents to post it.
Or something like that. 🙂
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