The Masque of the Red Death, 2006

If you type “Chronic Cantina” into Google and hit “I”m feeling lucky” you get a man-boy: http://www.myspace.com/newportbeach

This man-boy likes PUNK!! music, and he likes Governor Arnold, and he likes executions, a lot. Let ’em fry! He owns a drug abuse theme restaurant.

The man-boy wants to start a war with China. He loves our President and says that Michael Moore should not criticize the man. The man-boy would like to meet open-minded girls.

The man-boy says: “If you are a fun person and like to have respectful fun no matter what the circumstances we will get along great. ”

The man-boy owns a business selling stripper poles. The man-boy is an attorney and a real estate investor. Often the man-boy is surrounded by sad skinny bikini girls and grinning ape-boys on boats, on beaches, in bars, in nightclubs.

The man-boy was born Keith Scheinberg and calls himself MAXIMILLIAN on myspace. But I have a secret to tell you; I know his real name. His real name is Marie Antoinette.

Neotenized homogeneous privilege results in frenetic subculture self-identification. Also retards.

I thank burntcurtis for the phrase “White Identity” to describe Orange County’s many fucked-up subcultures: goth, skinhead, mod, swing kid, straightedge, rockabilly greaser, emo, “punk,” neo-hippie, club kid, etc. Until he pointed it out I hadn’t seen our collection of permanent teenage culture victims as a consequence of overwhelming whiteness, but it sure makes sense.

I was reminded of that this morning when it was brought to my attention that a skinhead had figured out how to work a computer.

Um. Portland. Guys? What the…

pft

I knew you had a hipster problem and a hippie problem, but this whole post-ironic Partridge Family droogies thing is extreme. It sounds more like one of onda_dog‘s pranks than a news story.

Major points to the cop for dissing these guys and their tiresome attention-whoring: “There’s nothing special about these people. Their behavior is typical of thousands of people in Portland that we have to deal with every day. They’re run-of-the-mill goof balls.” Oh SNAP.