true life real aim quotes from all over

Proper Prior Planning and Preparation Promotes Pandemic Preparedness, Preventing Piss Poor Performance, Pernicious Pestilence, Pervasive Public Panic, Probable Personal Petulance, Pulmonary Pathogens, Poor Patient Prognosis, Preventable Pain and Poo-ing your Pants when it all goes Pear-shaped.

Fraid of pears now.

Only President Clouseau Can Save Us Now

bush door

U.S. President George W. Bush reacts as he tries to open a locked door as he leaves a news conference in Beijing November 20, 2005.

Door to Door (slight return)

Another college guy showed up at the door with the exact same spiel.

ME: You guys already hit me up.

HIM: It’s not what you think, we’re not selling magazines.

ME: Right, you’re selling books!

HIM: …yes. Did he have something like… ::shows brochure::

ME: Right, exactly. Books for kids, in the hospital.

HIM: Well, crap. I’m just around the corner on Francisco. No one around here is in my class! What the heck?

There’s a pause and the poor guy looks genuinely lost.

ME: I’m not sure he was at UCLA like you. Maybe he is at a different school that’s doing the fundraiser.

HIM: Oh man, yeah. Crap. Yeah.

ME: So, anyway, this area has had the pitch already. Sorry.

HIM: Thanks, man. ::wanders off sadly::

lol internet lol

Romeo in Juliet in Emoticons

Unbearable

The always useful and entertaining Maciej Ceglowski explains better than I ever could exactly how hard The Unbearable Lightness of Being sucks. “The Dave Matthews of Slavic Letters” is just about perfect. It’s a dumb, trashy book.

But he fortunately doesn’t stop there. The rest of the article provides a guide to the best in Slavic dating literature! Including one of my personal favorites, The Good Soldier Svejk.

But if you really still just need to get laid, the Kundera is there for you. The cock has its reasons than the mind knows not of.