My friend Joe Bell turns 85 this July 4. Joe’s a great guy, and has been close to our family forever. This is the first time I’ve seen Joe ask for a birthday gift, because he’s got Midwestern values about these things and he’s got all the stuff he’s likely to need from now on. But he did ask for something.
He’d like his country back, please.
It’s the least you can do for an old veteran.
Bird Allegedly Flying Under The Influence Crashes
cbs2.com
June 23, 2006
A pelican that crashed head-on into a car windshield may have been flying while intoxicated on sea algae, and officials warned people Friday to be on the lookout for more unusual animal behavior.
The California Brown Pelican flew into a car windshield Thursday on Pacific Coast Highway in Laguna Beach.
It was in guarded condition with internal injuries at the Wetlands and Wildlife Care Center in Huntington Beach, where a four-inch gash in its pouch was stitched up and its right toe was stabilized with a pin, according to Lisa Birkle, assistant wildlife director.
Wildlife officials said the bird may have been high on an algae in the ocean that could be reaching Orange County.
If the bird’s behavior was a result of eating the sea algae and subsequent Domoic Acid poisoning, which has affected seabirds and marine mammals the last two months, then more birds could be affected and people should be on the lookout for similar unusual behavior, Birkle said.
Symptoms range from general disorientation, acting “drunk” or just being in an unusual place, she said.
Any unusual behavior in pelicans should be reported to the wildlife center in Huntington Beach at (714) 374-5587, Birkle said.
Brown pelicans are an endangered species that are protected from hunters. But the government is seeking to “de-list” them from that status because they have made a comeback from their dwindled numbers caused by DDT poisoning years ago, Birkle said.
Copyright (c) 2006 cbs2.com, All Rights Reserved.
Saw Neko with her band in Solana Beach. salome_st_john and I agreed that it was the whitest bar ever. It looked like a rock ‘n’ roll bar from a sitcom. The sound was good and the waitstaff were pleasant and efficient, though.
The two opening acts stank. There was a roots rock combo apparently fronted by Meat Loaf with someone from the Jesus & Mary Chain drumming. I could not stop looking at the drummer’s hair, and I cannot remember one song they did.
Then this asshole played for 45 minutes or so. He was trying to do that Woody Guthrie/Phil Ochs/Early Dylan thing, but it was all show, down to the button-down shirt and the 1930s haircut. Faux naive singing, lots of long pauses, and a tarted-up Oklahoma flat drawl. I wanted to say mean things to him and hit him with a board. I don’t much like Jeff Tweedy’s stuff or Steve Earle, but they at least aren’t just playing dressup.
Neko was great. She was obviously exhausted but warmed up pretty quick. Her band is fuckin’ SMOOTH, too. Jon Rauhouse on steel guitar, banjo, and Hawaiian guitar: YES. Kelly Hogan is so good in her own right, that with her doing backup for Neko it’s like you’ve got two leads.
The set was good. No “Guided by Wire” but we did get “Set Out Running” and the best tracks from the last two albums. “Maybe Sparrow” is even better live.
That Drunk Guy was there, of course. In this case it was a tall, skinny beardo with close-cropped hair and the permanent grin of the deeply intoxicated. He was a head taller than everyone, specifically a bobble-head taller. He loved both opening acts and danced to his own mad rhythm, hands waving a la Deadhead.
When Neko went on stage he produced a stuffed animal and began waving it in her face. It appeared to be a fox (likely a reference to her new record) and had the tag still attached. At this point we realized that he’d reached the apex of drunkenness, the place Bob Trout calls “I AM INVISIBLE.”
There was also a woman in an Inexpicable Magenta Showgirl Wig, sort of like Katey Sagal from Married With Children but with the contrast turned way, way up.
Everyone else was really white and really drunk. North San Diego County is like that.
There was a schizophrenic woman at Mother’s Market today.
She was in her sixties and had a husband with her who was very quiet. She was not quiet at all. She galumphed about yelling.
WHERE IS THE PEPPER? HEY, YOU GOTTA TELL ME. HORSE COCK! I WANT PEPPER, LIKE RAW PEPPER, LIKE YOU GRIND. NOT CHILI PEPPERS. YOU SILLY GOOSE! YOU’RE ALL WRONG! WRONG! YOU GUYS DON’T HAVE PEPPER? YOU GOTTA HAVE PEPPER. WHAT THE FUCK. SOMEONE HERE HAS TO SPEAK ENGLISH, HEY DO YOU?
I told her that the pepper was around the corner in the aisle that said “Spices.”
THANK YOU SO DAMN MUCH. SOMEONE HERE IS WILLING AND ABLE. GOD BLESS YOU. THANK YOU.
She ambled off with husband in tow. Didn’t get far before she started galumphing and yelling. About ten feet from the spice aisle she was broadcasting again.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS. WE’RE GOING TO FORGET WHY WE CAME AND JUST LEAVE OR SOMETHING. COME ON, WHERE ARE WE GOING, WHAT ARE WE DOING? PEPPER, YOU KNOW. HEY DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN GET JUST RAW PEPPER, BLACK.
She was pointed to the spice aisle several more times (twice by me) and eventually achieved her goal.
In the checkout line more trouble awaited her.
SIX DOLLARS AND SEVENTY CENTS? YOU ARE KIDDING ME. I CAN AFFORD IT BUT I WON’T PAY IT. I AM GOING TO HAVE TO REMOVE SOME THINGS. YOU ARE A KIDDER, YOU’RE A SCAMMER. YOU ARE SCAMMING ME, RIGHT?
The cashier grinned and said “Nope. It’s just the price, look there.”
After a few more trips around the catch phrases she paid and toddled out with quiet husband still in tow.
The funny thing about her was that despite the yelling and grousing and disorientation and more yelling and occasional insults, she was clearly not only harmless but cheerful, and obviously thought of herself as friendly. The funnier thing was that everyone seemed to grasp this and no one was mad at her. In fact, she left friendly smiles in her wake the whole way.
I spent 75 cents or so at the federal court website because I wanted to know what happened to her, what her sentence was etc. They took her in May of 2004 and she didn’t get sentenced until March 2005. One count of armed bank robbery and one count of using, carrying, or brandishing of firearm during crime of violence.
Looks like she got 18 months for the bank robbery and 5 years for using a gun to do it.
She pled out on 3/25/2005:
Docket Text: MINUTES OF SENTENCING held before Judge Cormac J. Carney as to Brianna Catherine Cery (1) count(s) 1, 2. Bureau of Prisons for a term of 18 months on count 1 and 60 months on count 2, to be served consecutively. Supervised release for five years on count 1 and three years on count 2, to be served concurrently under terms and conditions of the United States Probation Office and General Order 318 and 01-05. Special assessment of $200. Restitution in the amount of $108.00. Defendant is advised of appeal rights. C/R: Maria Dellaneve (tso)
For those who aren’t local and/or are confused by this, I’m referring to this bank robber, who was a regular at the Diedrich Coffee we all hung out at. She also worked at the local Kinko’s and as a bagger at the grocery store.
She was always an odd person, very much obsessed with the occult and “magick,” and willing to bore almost anyone with lectures on the beauty of Crowleyian thought. I got along with her okay. After the grocery strike she was the only worker at the market who didn’t get the raise/good benefits deal on rehiring. She blamed this on her transgendered status and I have to agree. I’m not sure what led to the bank robbery but she wasn’t doing too well after the strike and fallout afterwards.
Whoo, 5 years in federal. Gun bad.
Yup, they’re selling them off: the Laughing Lady, the Dark Scary Ride, most of it.
Register article: http://www.ocregister.com/ocregister/homepage/abox/article_1175876.php
Mark your calendars for Thursday, June 15. The Orange County Interfaith Shelter is having a benefit show at Detroit, put on by klikitak who works for said shelter.
You should go because 1) flat broke people with fucked lives need the shelter 2) it’s only $5 3) rock and roll! 4) klikitak is a nice person and deserves success
More info is in her post here. KLIK IT
Holding the puppy in your arms does not cancel out the ski mask and endear you to potential victims. This guy is probably not going to be hard to catch.
Police seek help finding man Irvine girl said accosted her
The incident in which the man reportedly wore a ski mask and held a puppy happened at about 2:45 p.m. Wednesday.
By JOHN McDONALD
The Orange County Register
IRVINE – Police are asking for the public’s help in finding a man a 12-year-old said accosted her while wearing a ski mask and holding a puppy on a leash.
The incident occurred at about 2:45 p.m. Wednesday in the area of Deer Spring. He made no attempt to pull her into his car, police said. Two similar incidents took place May 18.
The man was described as 5 feet 7 inches tall, 160 to 180 pounds, wearing a black long-sleeve shirt with the word “Hurley” across the front, dress black pants and brown work boots. He was driving a tan four-door Honda.
Anyone with information is asked to call 949-724-7172.
Here is the gardener for my neighbors. She is in her late fifties or early sixties. She does their whole yard, lawn and plants, with one helper, once a week. Her pickup truck is stickered with patriotism. She clearly has arthritis or knee injuries and walks with a kind of swiveling cowboy swagger that says: I am in pain and I don’t give a damn. She chain smokes. While she is working she does not stop except to take stock of progress or give instruction to her assistant. She’s so focused that it takes two or three attempts to contact her before she’ll break away from work.
She is a force of nature.
I try not to to be too hard on hack writers most of the time. It’s hard to make a living in journalism, and a lot of jobs are at boring and stultifying industry house organs or shilltalk ad rags. These are people who wanted to be ink-stained front page reporters or film critics and they get to write about aluminum foil or fabulous getaway weekends. Sometimes, though, they cross a line. This piece, from a credit card company’s luxury travel magazine, is… well, I’ll pay you a quarter if you read the whole thing straight through. It’s for our local South County seaside resort, and the writers decided that instead of the usual luxury porn template that bored them so, they’d use an alternative literary form for thier puff piece: A film script! Because that’s what they really wanted to do anyway.
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