Tag: failure

The new Bret Easton Ellis is here! The new Bret Easton Ellis is here!

“Connecting the intertwining strands are a group of beautiful, blonde young men and women who sleep all day and party all night, doing drugs — and one another –with abandon, never realizing that they are dancing on the edge of a volcano.”

One of the worst things about substance abuse is unsafe dancing. But who the hell put the dance floor next to the volcano in the first place? It’s not even near the bar, and people keep knocking over the safety cones.

And go get someone else to connect the intertwining strands. These people are incompetent.

Complaint (trivial)

Attention to the following groups of people:

  • Bar owners
  • Movie screencap posters
  • Homeowners with new large televisions
  • Video website owners
  • Video uploaders to said sites
  • Home video enthusiasts

WILL YOU LEARN WHAT AN ASPECT RATIO IS ALREADY

I mean if you want to spend four figures on a piece of equipment and misuse it it’s your deal but I have to look at this one. Stretching everything so it reaches the edge of the screen is not the same as making it look good. And why the fuck would you want to post a screencap online of your favorite movie with everyone looking like they’re in a God-damned funhouse?

DO YOU EVEN HAVE EYEBALLS IN YOUR SKULL THAT FUNCTION AS EYES

Okay whew. None of this is important. But somehow lately the unimportant things are the easiest ones to yell about.

The Coffeehouse Scene: Thank You For Not Smoking

It’s comedy time again at my local coffee hole.

Since this place has the only large open patio around, smokers congregate. At first the management tried to segregate tobacco to a far corner of the patio. Possibly because of complaints from an adjacent beauty salon, they escalated to a complete ban, with the expected failure.

At most coffee joints this would result in a temporary security guard, or some customers being 86’d, or a return to a more reasonable policy. But this is not most coffee joints. At this café, a failed campaign results in a full-service Mediterranean opera including screaming exits, synchronized shrugging, rapid cycling bipolar pastry flinging, eyebrow duels, threats to multiple generations of the family, and soliloquys delivered at maximum volume towards the fast food place next door. Scenes from the current production include:

  • Owner having yelling fight in Italian with cigar-smoking customer, resulting in unverified physical threats from said customer
     
  • Fifteen to 20 anti-smoking signs all over the place, many facing each other less than 3 feet away
     
  • Manager trying to stuff customer’s cigarettes into her hoodie before owner sees them
     
  • Owner attempting to get customers who are smoking in the parking lot to smoke around the other side of the fast food joint next door
     
  • Owner threatening to close the place right now tonight if customers don’t stop smoking
     
  • Owner promising to close the place in a week if camera catches even one customer smoking
     
  • Customers lining up patio umbrellas so that owner’s camera can’t see them smoke
     
  • Departure of 2/3rd of the regular evening crowd

It makes me want to START smoking just so I can be part of the action.

I expect you to die, Mr. Bond!

henry t hyde

Meet Henry T. Nicholas, local billionaire and James Bond villain. Henry was the head of Broadcom, a big microchip company. Henry stands six foot six, has a dungeon under his house, slips Ecstasy to unknowing dinner companions, does meth and coke, has a prostitution problem, has armed guards patrolling his home, and flies around in a private jet with the drugs and the prostitutes. At least, this is what the prosecutors and some angry associates say, and some of it is beyond denial, in particular the dungeon. He is also on the hook for securities fraud at his company.

Christ, what an asshole. But just look at the guy! Wow!

Details, lurid and otherwise, are in this nicely done Vanity Fair article

This election is a fucking clown car

It’s official; we’ve broken the stupid barrier now. I just read about 10 different opinions about the U.S. election and each one made my head hurt worse than all the rest. Identity politics, personality politics, talk radio victims, Orwellian doublespeak, fuck all of it.

I have my vote made up and the rest is just noise now. I’m not going to pay attention to anything anyone says, including what I say to myself. As St. Jack Rebney said in the Book of Winnebago:

I DON’T WANT ANY MORE BULLSHIT ANYTIME DURING THE DAY. FROM ANYONE, THAT INCLUDES ME.

You’re going downtown, kid. Then we’ll all listen.

I can’t wait for journalists to discover other teen risks such as “buttsex,” “alco-hol,” and “military enlistment.” I hope Kim Komando was on vacation when someone wrote this, because I remember her as smart and funny and pretty much sane.

Web delivers new worry for parents: Digital drugs

We all know that music can alter your mood. Sad songs can make you cry. Upbeat songs may give you an energy boost. But can music create the same effects as illegal drugs?

This seems like a ridiculous question. But websites are targeting your children with so-called digital drugs. These are audio files designed to induce drug-like effects.

All your child needs is a music player and headphones.

actually, it is ridiculous. sorry