Go ahead and celebrate St. Patrick’s day. Even if you’re not in any way Irish. Even if you don’t understand a thing about the politics of the celebration and its slogans and songs. Have corned beef and Guinness and try not to drive drunk, it’s all good. Hell, the Japanese seem to enjoy Christmas, too. Holidays are fun.

But if you call it or spell it “St. Patty’s Day” I’m going to come over to your house and beat you about the head and neck with “The Copy Editor’s Shillelagh”, otherwise known as a 1913 Webster’s English Dictionary with cast iron covers and spikes, on the end of a chain.