train people: the woman in the bubble

Hi everyone. I’m not just a link-posting bot, but I have been writing less lately. You’re welcome.

Today on the train I saw the following woman:

She was in her late forties, of indeterminate origin. Clearly a respectable office-worker type. She was one of those people immediately recognizable as eccentric. As soon as one sees such a person the only question is: what’s the situation? Because there is a situation.

She thumped into one of the larger seats with a table. Right away she went into what was clearly a settled routine. Out came the purse, and from the purse most of the contents spilled onto the table. There was sorting for a few minutes.

Next, she wound her hair onto four curlers. These remained for the rest of the journey.

A series of plastic containers was carefully lined up. Yogurt, dry cereal, and some slices of fruit were deposited from three of them into a fourth, and slowly consumed with a tiny plastic spoon.

These containers were replaced in the purse, and two more containers were opened. I think they contained lunch materials. Some manipulation of the lunch containers ensued and they too were placed back in the purse.

Satisfied that she was on her way, she kicked off her shoes and took out several books as well as two pairs of glasses and a small pile of tools or jewelry that I couldn’t quite make out.

The books were not read. However, she did do some minor repair on her nail polish, and I think some other makeup juju that involved a mirror and a lot of gyrations in the seat.

At this point there were twenty or so objects on the table, most of which she picked up or put down several times. At no time did she look out the window or at any other passengers.

From time to time this woman emitted a clearly audible hissing sound reminiscent of an air brake on a truck. I could not see any source for this sound or any behavior that indicated she was aware of it.

In short: LONG LIVE THE IMMEASURABLE DIVERSITY OF HUMAN EXPERIENCE and damn I am sure glad I don’t share an office with her.

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Also we recommend feng shui if your teeth fell out

My health “insurer,” Blue Shield of California, just sent me a helpful note about anxiety.

They point out that we’re all anxious because of “recent world events,” and that’s normal.

They then go on to suggest every possible solution for mental distress that does not cost them money. Included are: homeopathy (!!!) which can “bring temporary relief.”

Also included are “Complementary and alternative health” solutions which are all very inexpensive and not covered by any insurance.

It’s a wonder they don’t just tell people to drink.

I await their instructions on setting your broken leg with reiki, wearing magnetic pants to reduce arthritis, and the magic of going overseas to get health care where they don’t have to hear about it.

Fuckers.

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