Also we recommend feng shui if your teeth fell out

My health “insurer,” Blue Shield of California, just sent me a helpful note about anxiety.

They point out that we’re all anxious because of “recent world events,” and that’s normal.

They then go on to suggest every possible solution for mental distress that does not cost them money. Included are: homeopathy (!!!) which can “bring temporary relief.”

Also included are “Complementary and alternative health” solutions which are all very inexpensive and not covered by any insurance.

It’s a wonder they don’t just tell people to drink.

I await their instructions on setting your broken leg with reiki, wearing magnetic pants to reduce arthritis, and the magic of going overseas to get health care where they don’t have to hear about it.

Fuckers.

58 thoughts on “Also we recommend feng shui if your teeth fell out

  1. Hey, c’mon, homeopathy has traditionally worked as an anti-distressive for the British royal family! (“WARNING: Do not combine with poverty, economic uncertainty, insecure feudal portfolios, or actual distress.”)

  2. Hey, c’mon, homeopathy has traditionally worked as an anti-distressive for the British royal family! (“WARNING: Do not combine with poverty, economic uncertainty, insecure feudal portfolios, or actual distress.”)

  3. You need to scan and post this note immediately. And seriously, beyond the lulz, this sort of shit should be reported; they shouldn’t be allowed to get away with peddling snake oil as any sort of solution.

      1. Better yet, to Orac at Respectful Insolence. He collects a woo agregator of medical colleges that teach nonsense, so I am sure he will be happy to hear about an insurance company that offers woo. Well, not happy exactly, but he will apply his particular treatment of respectful insolence to it, which is what matters.

      2. Better yet, to Orac at Respectful Insolence. He collects a woo agregator of medical colleges that teach nonsense, so I am sure he will be happy to hear about an insurance company that offers woo. Well, not happy exactly, but he will apply his particular treatment of respectful insolence to it, which is what matters.

  4. You need to scan and post this note immediately. And seriously, beyond the lulz, this sort of shit should be reported; they shouldn’t be allowed to get away with peddling snake oil as any sort of solution.

  5. Dude homeopathy totally gives me panic attacks because living in a world made unpredictable by magic puts me on edge. I prefer to live in the universe where the theory of gravity isn’t just a theory and Deepak Chopra is an idiot. Dude seriously you think a universe where RECENT WORLD EVENTS are chaotic is bad what about one where RECENT WORLD PHYSICS is unpredictable and HOMEOPATHY WORKS. Argh.
    They should send all of their customers a free big fat placebo. Then they can talk about how they have the best treatment for fibromyalgia in the world.

    1. We’re sorry… Placebo is not available as a generic medication, and as such, we are unable to provide it to you. We have enclosed a coupon for a free carton of Marlboro cigarettes as an alternative. Thank you for choosing Blue Shield of California for all of your health needs.

    2. We’re sorry… Placebo is not available as a generic medication, and as such, we are unable to provide it to you. We have enclosed a coupon for a free carton of Marlboro cigarettes as an alternative. Thank you for choosing Blue Shield of California for all of your health needs.

  6. Dude homeopathy totally gives me panic attacks because living in a world made unpredictable by magic puts me on edge. I prefer to live in the universe where the theory of gravity isn’t just a theory and Deepak Chopra is an idiot. Dude seriously you think a universe where RECENT WORLD EVENTS are chaotic is bad what about one where RECENT WORLD PHYSICS is unpredictable and HOMEOPATHY WORKS. Argh.
    They should send all of their customers a free big fat placebo. Then they can talk about how they have the best treatment for fibromyalgia in the world.

  7. I’D LIKE TO RECEIVE DETAILED INSTRUCTIONS (ORIGAMI) ON CONSTRUCTING MY VERY OWN TIN FOIL HAT I HEAR IT KEEPS THE RAYS OUT OF MY BRAIN THAT WILL HELP WITH MY ANXIETY WHICH COMES IN PART FROM BEING CONTROLLED BY GOVERNMENT AGENTS IN THE BLACK HELICOPTERS WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE AREN’T ANY HELICOPTERS WELL ANYWAY PLEASE GET BACK TO ME ON THIS BUT NOT BY EMAIL AS I DON’T HAVE A PRINTER AND WANT TO HAVE THE INSTRUCTIONS ON PAPER ONLY SEND TO MY PO BOX I DON’T RECEIVE MAIL AT HOME THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

  8. I’D LIKE TO RECEIVE DETAILED INSTRUCTIONS (ORIGAMI) ON CONSTRUCTING MY VERY OWN TIN FOIL HAT I HEAR IT KEEPS THE RAYS OUT OF MY BRAIN THAT WILL HELP WITH MY ANXIETY WHICH COMES IN PART FROM BEING CONTROLLED BY GOVERNMENT AGENTS IN THE BLACK HELICOPTERS WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE AREN’T ANY HELICOPTERS WELL ANYWAY PLEASE GET BACK TO ME ON THIS BUT NOT BY EMAIL AS I DON’T HAVE A PRINTER AND WANT TO HAVE THE INSTRUCTIONS ON PAPER ONLY SEND TO MY PO BOX I DON’T RECEIVE MAIL AT HOME THANK YOU!!!!!!!!

  9. Oh, my god, all I could do was laugh, and I sorely needed a laugh. In similar news, the Superintendent of my school district KEEPS sending us dire forwarded missives from “the State Controller” and others warning us that California is going broke within seventy days and a) the school year might be ended months early, so we should start saving, and b) we may be issued promissary warrants, aka IOUs for pay. I mean, I think it’s bullshit for public school teachers, though the unpaid furloughs for state workers (and city workers) is true enough. But his doing this is, I think, a complete scare-mongering tactic, and makes me want some free anxiety-reducing alternative healthcare. Possibly several drinks.

  10. Oh, my god, all I could do was laugh, and I sorely needed a laugh. In similar news, the Superintendent of my school district KEEPS sending us dire forwarded missives from “the State Controller” and others warning us that California is going broke within seventy days and a) the school year might be ended months early, so we should start saving, and b) we may be issued promissary warrants, aka IOUs for pay. I mean, I think it’s bullshit for public school teachers, though the unpaid furloughs for state workers (and city workers) is true enough. But his doing this is, I think, a complete scare-mongering tactic, and makes me want some free anxiety-reducing alternative healthcare. Possibly several drinks.

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