Today’s amusing email

First, I received a very important swank invite from Sun Microsystems to their Executive Summit for Wireless and Entertainment at SFMOMA, business/cocktail attire! 7-11 pm! I bet there will be big shrimp! This rules! Then, shortly afterwards, I get the item below. Awkwaaaaaard! Name of sender removed because I’ve been there and I don’t want to be shitty to the poor guy.

From: [REDACTED]
Date: June 23, 2005 11:31:13 AM PDT
To: me
Subject: APOLOGY: Reminder: JavaOne Wireless & Entertainment Summit

Dear substitute:

Please accept our apologies as you were recently sent the below message in error. Sun Microsystems deeply regrets any inconvenience this may have caused. We are taking action to update our processes to ensure that this does not happen again.

Thank you,
Sun Microsystems

JavaOne Mobile & Entertainment Executive Summit Dinner
An Exclusive Event from Sun Microsystems
You are confirmed to attend:
Topic: Mobile & Entertainment Executive Summit Dinner
Date: Tuesday, June 28, 2005
Time: 7pm – 11pm (Reception 7pm, Dinner 8pm)
Location: San Francisco Museum of Modern Art
 151 Third Street (between Mission and Howard Streets) (view map)
Dress: Business/Cocktail
For additional questions, contact [REDACTED[

We look forward to seeing you there.
Best Regards,
[REDACTED]
Vice President of Foo, Bar, and Baz

humor site whacked by Fed law

http://www.gapingmaw.com/

It was a funny site. It had naughty pictures on it, which were funny. They had to take it down because of a law about porn, which this site is not. The law does not stop porn; it just makes it more expensive to have anything to do with naughty pictures, so that only people who sell porn will be able to show each other naughty pictures.

Those of us who just want to have a laugh or look at a naughty picture our friends made are SOL.

I coulda been an achiever.

My Adderall XR™ anti-ADD medication trial package came with a reassuring booklet, a less reassuring set of pharmacological explanations of how it might mess me up, and a fridge magnet. It’s the “Adderall™ Achievers!” package, you see.

Usually the fridge magnets and other tchotchkes go to the physicians for advertising purposes, so I was puzzled at first. On closer inspection, it turned out to be a picture frame fridge magnet. The idea is that your bad kid, who is totally humping the pooch at school and is going to die in an alley, has just become a model of studious perfection and will now get a picture on the fridge in this special frame that says: I’m an achiever!

I think some Photoshop is in order. I’ll try to think some things up. In the meantime:

achiever

The Plague Ship arrives at Réunion

From the always-cheerful Pro-Med list:

Source: Independent online (IOL), Wed 22 Jun 2005 [edited]
article link

Seychelles: ship quarantined off Reunion – undiagnosed fatal illness
——————————————————————–
A French medical laboratory in Lyons has dismissed any likelihood of
Marburg hemorrhagic fever on board the bulk carrier Clipper Lancaster.
The ship is being held in quarantine off the Indian Ocean island of
Reunion. The nature of the mystery fever that claimed the life of a
Rumanian seafarer and left a 2nd sailor seriously ill remains
unidentified, however.

The 2 seafarers, members of a crew of 22, became ill soon after the 28
429 dead weight tonnage ship left Durban on 5 Jun 2005, where it had
stopped briefly to refuel. The surviving crewman has been responding to
treatment. Before calling at Durban, the ship had loaded lumber at
Pointe Noire in Congo Brazzaville and had called earlier at Angolan
ports. A serious outbreak of Marburg fever is raging in northern
Angola.

Authorities in La Reunion said the vessel would be allowed to continue
its voyage to China once the body had been removed. A postmortem would
not be performed.

[byline: Terry Hutson]