zap.

Having electromyography (EMG) isn’t so much fun. First they zap various parts of you with electrical current, and then they stick needles in you and make you strain your muscles.

This was the second time I’ve had it so it wasn’t as bad, because I knew what to suspect and that it wasn’t going to kill me. But yecch.

Fortunately, it seems that the nerve conductivity in both of my arms is fine. And to be fair, the only time anyone HAS an EMG is when there’s something sufficiently nasty going on that you’re willing to have 45 minutes of discomfort.

The interesting part was listening to my muscle electricity as noise, rather like the static on a short wave radio. When I strained against pressure as instructed, I made VERY LOUD static.

Someone check on the busboys at Jerry’s Deli

Long-time readers may remember my theory that the world is overrun with clones of the long-dead Andy Kaufman. Every day there is more evidence of this.

You’ll note on that post a link from a commenter to Andy Kaufman Lives and/or “If I Faked It.”

It’s done in classic psychoceramic style, and it’s about an even split in my mind whether it’s genuine crackpot material or “a viral.” Or Andy, who would have mixed the two anyway.

The O.C. Weekly mentions this site in one of its articles about our local barking mad school board member Mr. Steve Rocco, who was accused more than once of being Andy.

Apparently torgo_x‘s latest link to my post has awakened the beast again.

Drums in the deep

Kelly Ramsey passed on this gem from Warren Ellis’ “Bad Signal” mailing list, causing me to resubscribe to the list. Here it is:

bad signal
WARREN ELLIS


It  occurred to me today that Mormon politician Mitt Romney’s
candidacy is, in  part, an experiment to see if America can
handle the idea of a figure of  authority who also believes himself
to be wearing magic underpants.

If that's so, then I think you guys are twelve years away from  a
Scientologist running for President.

And I think you know which  Scientologist I mean.

You're welcome.

-- W

ticketmonster

I just bought show tix (Mountain Goats in March at the Troub!) on the web from Ticketmaster. Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m a rich dot-com twit, and I didn’t fight the power. Anyway.

There’s the usual hilarious set of charges reminiscent of a Near Eastern hotelier or a bank. Heifer Mastication Charge, Plonk Fee, Spline Adjustment, bla bla. The $32 for two tickets balloons into $52 by the end.

Then there are two new kinds of Ticketmaster fun. First, they charge you $2 extra to print the tickets out on your own printer right away. But it’s free to get them by regular mail. In my putative Near Eastern Hotel, this is like providing free bottled water but charging for running water in the room. It only makes sense if your business model consists of “we’ve got them by the short hairs now, boys!”

Finally, there’s the checkout line sales pitch. The usual items like insurance for your tickets show up, but now there’s a new one! They try to get you to buy music by the artist from iTunes.

In this particular case the artist has loads of stuff available in friendly DRM-free mp3 via emusic, so the temptation is particularly low.

Maybe the next step should be a hard drive search for downloaded music, followed by a pop-up auto-sue device that charges you $150,000.

I’m going to go see people play pop music anyway, and it’s not the kind of monopoly that kills little kids or strangles the free internet to death; it’s essentially trivial.

But it sure is fucking funny!

Accidentally Vegan Pea Soup

I really like pea soup, and I made some again tonight. I’m not averse to putting bacon or ham in the soup, or using meat broth, but I just didn’t tonight.

It was very good pea soup. I’m putting the “recipe” here mostly for my own reference. It’s not too different from what you’d find on the back of the bag of peas, so don’t consider it to be special or worth saving.

Ingredients:

16 oz./2 cups of dried split peas
One largeish potato, like a russet, or equiv potato mass, peeled and cubed
Two quarts of water
1/4 cup olive oil
One tbsp ground cumin seeds
Four tbsp ground dill weed
Four or five threads of saffron
One tbsp. coarse ground black pepper
1 bay leaf
Salt to taste, if necessary

Get a deep saucepan.

Dump the olive oil in the bottom of the pan and drop in the bay leaf, the cumin, and the pepper. Heat the olive oil until the bay leaf is browning.

Dump in the water and the peas. Bring to a boil.

Dump in the potato cubes and bring to a boil again.

Reduce heat. Add the dill and the saffron. If you have favorite spices of your own, this is the time to put them in.

Simmer for an hour, stirring occasionally.

Check the soup for consistency and flavor. Adjust flavor with your choice of the herbs above or other herbs you like. Salt to taste.

Simmer for another 30 minutes. Watch and stir frequently so the soup doesn’t get lumpy. Cook until the consistency is thick and the potatoes are mostly dissolved, but it’s not glue or on fire. This varies with your pot and your idea of “simmer” and also with the will of the Gods.

Cool until it isn’t deadly and serve.

Notes:

You can get away with no salt if you flavor it right. One good idea is to put in some cayenne or other hot chili spice, just enough to make it interesting.

I find that the combination of potatoes and saffron and olive oil produces a “mouth feel” that will make you forget the vegan nature of the soup even if you’re a hamatarian.

So this is a very simple pea soup and again not much different from the back of the package, but I like it so I’m putting it here. Cheers.

Trim, bait, and burnt ends

I woke up at the shocking hour of 3 pm today, neatly missing Steve & Keri’s first visit to civilization in months. Damnit.

Also: 3 pm? What the hell?

I am now atoning for my sins by making a pot of delicious pea soup, with which I will feed my aging saintly mother.

I am going to try to work at the patio more this week, because I can and because getting out of the house seems like a BIG BONUS right now. See you there.