Category: Uncategorized

Spring Surprise/Don’t Mention the War Megamix 2004

egg

WARNING: The Consumer Safety Protection Council has deemed this product dangerous because of the “embedded toy”. The Ferrero company does not export this product to the USA at this time, so supplies may be limited. Please be a “responsible” parent/adult and do NOT purchase this product if you have children under the age of 5 “in your household”! These Eggs are suitable for older children and adults ONLY.

I am a consumer whore.

Today I went to the BIG LOTS! because bruisedhips had assured me that they had the Spicy Cheezits with Tabasco. The spice must flow so I went. She was right; that woman knows her discount stores. Because it was the BIG LOTS! I also ended up purchasing a set of Old Spice Red Extreme Climber Men’s Toiletries with Carabiner and Humor Value for xtreme_pr0k, some Spicy Spam with Tabasco for vegemitelover, some terrifyingly bad Panda Candy for redmaenad, and some German Organic Rye Kernel Bread in a plastic bag that is made of neutron stars and weighs a pound although it is the size of a Cheeto for friendly_bandit. It is the general consensus that I should stay away from the BIG LOTS! now.

I then went to Cost Plus World Market where I purchased green and jasmine tea, Thai spices, the double-salt Dutch licorice that only I can eat and live, a backscratcher ($1.49), and some soap.

By the way the Old Spice Red Extreme Climber Mens Toiletries smell just awful. Don’t open the box, just enjoy the joke.

City Government at Work. oh GOD I cannot stop laughing

CALIFORNIA
Hoax Soaks Aliso Viejo
City officials fall for an Internet prank and draft a law to curb the risks of dihydrogen monoxide.
By William Wan
Times Staff Writer

March 13, 2004

In large quantities, dihydrogen monoxide can cause medical problems in humans and even destroy property. But in Aliso Viejo, it’s only causing red faces.

Officials of the south Orange County city were embarrassed to learn Friday that they had tripped over an Internet hoax about dihydrogen monoxide — commonly known as water — in an effort to be environmentally correct.

A proposed law that was scheduled to go before the City Council next week would have banned foam cups and containers at events requiring city permits.

A staff report cited environmental concerns, including the danger posed by dihydrogen monoxide, described as a chemical used in production of the plastic that can “threaten human health and safety.”

“It’s embarrassing,” said City Manager David J. Norman. “We had a paralegal who did bad research.”

The American Plastics Council has seized on the case as an example of how “junk science” can cause unfounded environmental fears.

“The plastics industry has always been a favorite target of environmentalists,” said spokesman Robert Krebs. “But we dream about instances like this when our opponents do something foolish.”

Regardless of the hoax, the Sierra Club argues that the ubiquitous white foam — made of polystyrene — can cause environmental harm.

It’s not biodegradable, said spokesman Eric Antebi, and, if ingested, can damage the digestive tracts of marine animals.

Aliso Viejo officials are not the only people who have fallen for the hoax.

Seven years ago, four teenagers in Pittsburgh were reprimanded by police for passing out fliers that caused a neighborhood-wide panic about dihydrogen monoxide.

Weeks later, the hoax took on a life of its own after a junior high school student in Eagle Rock, Idaho, used it in a science fair project to prove how gullible people can be.

The student conducted a survey of residents about the dangers of dihydrogen monoxide and found that 86% favored banning the substance — without knowing what it was.

The hoax inspired a small tongue-in-cheek movement on the Internet, with “national coalitions” formed to ban the substance. One of them, the Dihydrogen Monoxide Research Division, maintains an extensive, if satirical, website detailing the harmful effects of the chemical — from tissue damage caused by prolonged exposure (wrinkly skin after soaking in the bath tub) to death by overdose (drowning).

Despite their embarrassment, officials in Aliso Viejo may still ban polystyrene.

“Our main concern is with the Aliso Creek watershed,” Norman said. “If you get Styrofoam into the water and it breaks apart, it’s virtually impossible to clean up.”

After some Internet research on Friday, the city manager decided to pull the item from the City Council’s agenda.

“We’re going to rework it — with better research — before it’s taken back to the council,” Norman said.

Chicken Soup for the Middle-Aged Man on the Flying Trapeze

I had a Brain Inventory today. Hils asked how I was doing on toner. Actually it was funny (haw) because I had left my wallet at D’s right before the appointment with the psych doc and when I filled out the Brain Inventory one of the questions was “Do you frequently lose important objects?” YES OFTEN.

This therapy is right on the borderline between New Age Bubblehead and Science, which is probably good for me in a number of ways. It’s genuinely holistic, in that she looks at all sorts of causes and cures for the brain rot I seem to have. I’m not sure how I feel about all of it (when people talk about things like nutritional supplements I get nervous), but the EMDR bit and some of the attention to things like diet and exercise make sense.

I was sent off to buy some pop psych book with a title like SQUEEZE YOUR BRAIN, SQUEEZE YOUR BALLS that I have not started yet to read.

EMDR sounds like Modern Therapeutic Phrenology but you know, I’m about to try anything that doesn’t involve Scientology or psychic surgery at this point.

Also, no exorcists thanks.

My latest theory on human relations is that communication is actually impossible and that our insistence to the contrary is a form of near-universal hominid psychosis. Please do not steal my Nobel Prize/Macarthur Grant for this one.

The Earthquake at Lisbon

Jo is one of the employees at Diedrich Coffee where we all hang out.

She’s probably in her late forties (streaks of gray in the black), a pleasant outgoing woman who is always cheerful and works very hard. Slinging coffee is her second job; she works full-time in medical research as well. She has a couple of kids. Her husband left her years ago. She also cares for elderly parents who increasingly need a lot of supervision and assistance.

This year Jo got the influenza pretty badly and ended up with both viral and bacterial pneumonia; she had to be hospitalized for a few days. She also seriously injured her foot, and it isn’t healing up too well. She wears one of those protective immobilizing boot things on her foot the second half of the shift most of the time.

So here we have a middle-aged woman who spends approximately 18 hours a day caring for elderly parents and children and working two jobs, who has been having some serious medical problems lately, is flat broke, and is doing this all on her own because her man walked out on her.

The punchline? She now has lupus.

Shit ain’t right.

acb sums it up again

yup.

”It’s a sobering thought that, as you read this, in candle-lit suburban bedrooms all over North America, pizza-faced teenaged girls in size-XXL Hot Topic fishnet tops are pouring her fantasies about Legolas (”OMG he’s so hott!!!1!”) and angst about their lousy non-pony-buying parents into their PCs, thus endlessly replenishing this cornucopia of pure shite for future visitors.”