Author: substitute

nope

Look, just forget I said anything, ok?

In a sign that I have reached a new personal low, I’ve been using some of these online dating services. This is because everyone I know is 15 years younger than me and no one will date me. I am a creechy old man in my own social circle. Whatever with me. It’s not happening.

I have some observations about these services. Please note that my feelings about this are not to be held as representative of my feelings about women, human relations, sex, or any other Great First Principles. I’m bitter and misanthropic about all that too, but not today. Today we have:

  1. People suck.
  2. On most dating services everyone is “down to earth”, “sick of the games”, “fun”, “loves to laugh”, and “wondering if anyone is out there”. Also, “tired of the bar scene”. Shut up, shut UP, SHUT UP.
  3. If everyone who said they liked the outdoors on personals did, we’d have no one indoors. You’re all a bunch of couch potatoes and liars.
  4. Please don’t say you’re a princess. No one is a princess. This is America, we did away with our aristocracy a long time ago. We’re all just folks.
  5. Women my age (see last post) for some reason all seem to have big poofy blonde 80s hair. I can’t deal. I know this is unfair. I just don’t want to go on a first date with someone who looks like the real estate agent on my free notepad.
  6. I am obviously still 23 (see last post) because only younger people seem to make any sense to me at all, at all, at all. People my age are all about money and stupid middle-class hobbies.
  7. I shall now give up because I will never ever get a date this way; I am not an athletic, outdoorsy prince who loves to live and laugh and wants nothing more than to cuddle with a movie and his princess. If anyone meets someone like that, please kill him for me.

The exception to these rules is nerve.com where everyone is a Public Radio-loving, left-leaning, ecowarrior-vegenazi who likes indie this and alternative that and fight the power. These people all hate me also. I tried matches with several likely looking people and I got my first rejection approximately 30 minutes later. Forget them; they’re all a bunch of new age hippies anyway with Free Tibet stickers on their SUVs.

If i sound bitter, it’s just because I’m really bitter. 🙂

P.S. Anyone whose listed last book read is by Tom Robbins should be used for BAIT CHUM.

Theatre of Cruelty

Lincoln Clarkes’ heroines is a disturbing article to me. The guy took some fascinating pictures of prostitutes in Vancouver BC, but his outlook appears very twisted to me.

I don’t think prostitutes are “strong women” or “survivors”. Maybe survivors in the sense that someone who’s just been shot and is bleeding to death is currently surviving. I also don’t care for his dumb play on word “heroines”. Plays on words don’t do much for me when they’re about people who are suffering and going to die.

Everything isn’t art, guy. Some things, like young women on drugs, being used by the sex industry, and dying before their time, are real, and it takes more than a spoonful of sugar to make it all better.

SURFACE. TO AIR. MISSILE.

ORLANDO, Fla. — The airspace above Walt Disney World has been free of aircraft since March, when the government said the resort was a terrorism target of symbolic value. But a Christian organization that wants to send banner-towing planes over the theme park during this week’s Gay Days festivities believes the no-fly zone equals no free speech.

You know, guys, you could be using those planes to fly doctors down to Mexico to poor people who need them. I have friends who do that with their church.

inventory

Weight lost so far: 5 lbs
Number of outright rejections from online personals: 1
Number of times the same coworker has attempted blame transfer to me this week: 3
Number of times I’ve told the cat to shut up so far this week: ~18
Number of hours so far today I have felt hungry: 15
Sleep last night, in hours: 4
Amount of money I have spent on miscellaneous amateur radio equipment this week: $150