summary

Bongos: bad

Lying in bed half drunk after having three glasses of good canadian whisky and a bowl of Puffins cereal: good

XML errors: bad

Happy Mexican people singing folk songs at next table: good

Yacking with Lisa and Kate: good

Family Togetherness: bad

Mac OS X: good

Aged welsh cheddar: good

Generalissimo Franciscco Franco: STILL DEAD

Worst Holiday Specials

Add to the list as you see (in)appropriate:

Amahl and the Night Soil
The Littlest Retrovirus
Blue Velvet on Ice!
Hooters’ Hotties for the Holidays
You’re Ugly, Hated, and Poor, Charlie Brown!
R. Kelly’s Kwanzaa Karnival for Kids
Skinheads in Toyland
MTV Presents: It’s a Linkin Park Christmas

If you want the spa chair you haven’t had that bitch’s hands on you

A year later it turned out he had Alzheimer’s the whole time. They kept giving us all this awful food. I wanted to see what was in the bag just out of curiosity. No, I was the one who was admiring his ass. She’s married still and I think she takes it seriously. The backpack is seriously bigger than she is. I’m all about a good zombie game. I had a good visit with your mom, and I lent her some books that I think are very mind expanding. When did two hours become a long time? She called up and the first thing she said was “you have sharp knives!” One of the two of us is being a real pill. I hoped it was some kind of radical feminist thing, darn. They’re sweet enough that you can cook them without peeling which is a huge plus.

I didn’t say I was reasonable, just that I’d be honest.

DEAR INTERNET

I HAVE SOME HOLIDAY TOGETHERNESS UP ME AND A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF CHEER AND GOOD TIDINGS AND THERE’S SERIOUSLY A LOT OF MEAT PURCHASING LATELY AND IT’S ALL PRETTY MUCH CROSSING MY BOUNDARIES HERE AND I WANT CHEETOS AND BLOWJOBS!!!!

ALSO IT WOULD BE GREAT IF SOMEONE WOULD TURN OFF THE PEABO BRYSON CHRISTMAS ALBUM.