Tuesday’s Children

I met with Bob at Kean today so I could order a new automatic clutch for his Whizzer. (No, really!)

The patio was packed with moms and babies because the new expensive baby food store was having a grand opening Halloween event.

“Expensive baby food store” falls short of the mark. “Pomme Bébé” looks at first to be a high-end salon, art gallery, and Apple Store in one spot. Whiteness gleams tastefully. Sheer ivory surfaces, smock-clad employees, menu of the day in the style of an ice cream store. They sell organic and otherwise perfect food for infants.

So as Bob and I ordered bike parts on the Internet and bullshitted and played with his dog Mancha, this river of super-rich mothers flowed. They were all 20 and perfect forever, and their babies were all 6 months old and perfect forever. The baby carriages themselves were worth more than my car. They stretch across the sidewalk and have racks and racks of toys clacking above their passengers. More than a few were double wides with twin skulls bobbling in them.

Mancha slumped on our feet in a heavily adoring way and we skritched him. My iced tea was good.

15 thoughts on “Tuesday’s Children

  1. It’s a toss-up as to which is more unbearable: the verbiage, the font they use, or the experience as a whole.
    My favorite part: Our containers are manufactured in the Netherlands (Europe) and are made from 100% virgin polypropylene, which does not have any known risks and does not contain any phthalates. These containers are safe for microwaving; however, many parents feel uncomfortable using plastics to heat their baby’s food. All of our pomme bébé food can also be safely heated in a separate container.
    Subtext: THE ENTIRE CONCEPT IS AS WHITE AS DRIVEN SNOW. AND YOU. AND YOUR PRETTY-ASS WHITE BABY.

    1. WELL THANK GOD THEY SHIPPED THOSE CONTAINERS ALL THE WAY FROM THE NETHERLANDS (EUROPE) BECAUSE I HEAR ALL THOSE CARBON EMISSIONS ARE GOOD FOR THE ENVIRONMENT LIKE ALL THIS ORGANICAL FOODS!
      BY THE WAY WHERE IS (EUROPE)

      1. The brackets mean it is actually a credit as opposed to a debit, so it’s… Debit Europe. The first Google image search for Debit Europe returns http://www.nikkiincutoffs.com/1.jpg Therefore it involves tits. Mother’s breast. Breast is best.
        I’m beginning to see a mystery behind the madness.

  2. mood: cranky
    i fucking hate fucking baby SUVs and the bitches that drive them.
    i hate how the word “organic” has turned into some keyword with zero value meaning “more expensive because it’s better for you, DUH!”
    props to the genius who figured out a new way to separate stupid yuppie moms and their money.

      1. Re: mood: cranky
        We make our own baby food….well bethya makes the baby food. Its not rocket science…steamer > food processor > freezer. She adds spices to make the stuff taste better…that is the rocket science part I guess.

  3. Friday, Oct. 26th, Costa Mesa: brainflak and I are in the parking lot of the local Ralphs, having just bought pumpkins with The Panda and Boo. A man rides by on a bicycle with a trailer hitched to it. Safely secured to the trailer is an Australian Blue Heeler, punctuating their passage with steady, percussive, joyous barks. I turned to and said, “I think we just saw Bob.” We nearly called out to him, but decided it would be too weird for him to have complete strangers recognize him from a mutual friend’s LiveJournal.
    As for “Pomme Bébé”…I can do nothing but scoff derisively. I fed my kids organic baby food. I made it myself. It was easy and inexpensive. “Virgin polypropylene” from the Netherlands, indeed.

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