good MORNING

The later, shitty Metallica is the ideal music for driving around suburbia in heavy traffic surrounded by gigantic SUVs. This morning I went to an early doctor appointment with “Unforgiven” blasting on my radio, gazing up on shiny Range Rovers and Expeditions as we roared through light industry in Irvine and Newport. It was like being in a canyon half the time. Everyone in this ridiculous town has a Range Rover. I counted fifteen of them on a drive that was maybe 3 miles each way.

My doctor has a pleasant obsession with Hawaii and was putting on a mix CD one of his other patients gave him, of Hawaiian stuff, as I arrived. He doesn’t have an office staff in the early part of the day, so he was answering the phone and scheduling my next appointment himself when I noticed that the current song was a Hawaiian version of a John Denver song. I left before I found out whether they changed the lyrics from “West Virginia, mountain mama” to something more island-y.

The local women are wearing Ugg boots again this fall. Have we learned nothing from history?

I was at Kean yesterday and a mother and daughter came in. The mom was a primped and frosted zillionaire lady with designer everything, and the daughter was the standard model unhappy 17-year-old dressed for some sport or other. Mom gave me a deadly glare as they arrived, as if I was somehow going to be a Myspace sexual predator and make off with her daughter. Look, lady, I remember high school. Girls that age are soulless, sadistic mini-Maenads who will suck the marrow right out of your spine while laughing. Sell her to someone else!

The line of $100,000 cars stretching out from the Burger King says a few things.

16 thoughts on “good MORNING

  1. I used to say that there are people in Newport who would sell their kids for a Mercedes…but I might have been wrong.
    Sounds like it would be for a Range Rover.

      1. I sucked at my religious studies but I think I’m right
        I may be thinking of somebody else or have the name spelled wrong. But if you run into some who drives a Brabus, ask them if they know who he was. He was the murderer who was set free so they could crucify Christ.

      2. Re: I sucked at my religious studies but I think I’m right
        It was actually Barabbas, but what’s a few extra letters more or less? 🙂
        (And some accounts say his crime was insurrection rather than murder … )

  2. Ugh!
    “The local women are wearing Ugg boots again this fall. Have we learned nothing from history?”
    Made me laugh out loud on a fairly sucky morning. Thanks! (And what is with that? People, it doesn’t get below 50 F. except on the coldest nights in these parts. Toughen up!)

  3. Did I tell you about the #1 mortgage person in NB behind me at the drivethru of Deltaco (it is one word now)? It made me feel like Deltaco is the hippest place to eat. Which brings me to a modest proposal for this weekend…

  4. If I was a well hung black man I’d wear an Ugg boot on the end of my schlong to keep it warm during the winter, but outside of that, I don’t see a point.

  5. “Girls that age are soulless, sadistic mini-Maenads who will suck the marrow right out of your spine while laughing.”
    As a former 17 year old girl, I would just like to say, I beg your pardon? Now, assume a fetal position, I’m peckish for a little cerebrospinal fluid.

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