you know that some day I’ll walk out of here again

It has come to my attention that I need a vacation. Alone. In the desert or up the Central Coast. I usually do this twice a year and it’s one of the things that keeps me from completing my transformation into Howard Beale.

It doesn’t have to be long or cost a lot of money. A long weekend, two overnights in a cheap motel, and a digestible series of patty melts will do if the scenery is okay. That’s great news, because I’m completely broke, too.

The Fix My Damn Brain project ate everything for a year, starting with my time. Neurofeedback, which ends at least temporarily on Tuesday, will have lasted almost 11 months straight with no breaks, twice a week with some extra days. Forty-seven weeks! No leaving town or taking time off. Plus shrink lady once a week and doctor once a month. Plus doing enough of my job that I didn’t get fired. I’m a little surprised thisl happened at all.

And it ate all my money too. In theory I’m getting reimbursed for some of this stuff at least, but out of pocket for the period since NFB start includes

Neurofeedback: $8930 <- !!!!!
Shrink: $6815 <- !!!
Drugs: $2200 (est) <- !

Oh hey look, it's almost $18,000. No wonder I'm in the hole. Must defeat ADD and get that paperwork done. If I can get even half of that back…

8 thoughts on “you know that some day I’ll walk out of here again

  1. holy shit, dude. is there anything you could do with that 18 grand that might make you happy? like, i dunno, some whores and poker? jes saying. i had a ex boyfriend–he liked the young ladies and he would entice the cute 20 yr old art chicks with $$. i think the last one only cost him $15 grand and a trip to the hospital for being stabbed with a fork.
    i spend 1400 on a personal trainer once. no results. she asked me if i wanted to re-up and i was like sister, with that 1400 i could be half way to some fine liposuction.
    dag. how much scientology can you get for 18 grand? enough to make you a zombie movie star? ok–probably not.
    i hope you get at least half back, and enjoy your vacation.

    1. I have indeed thought those thoughts. They’re funny for about 30 seconds and then not.
      On a cash basis it’s a bargain, about what a gallbladder operation costs.
      If I can buy a chunk of sanity back it’s worth it. I don’t think any amount of hedonism is gonna do that, jokes aside.

  2. I agree, a vacation would do you good. Get the hell away from all the things that have been making you miserable. Maybe you’ll figure out what you want to do about it while you’re gone.
    I know I would love to take a vacation. I empathize with having to spend so much to be lucid again. I know I’ve spent more that I would have liked to. Here’s hoping you can find other alternatives to throwing your money down the crapper.

  3. yeah, get the heck outta town! go somewhere where you don’t even speak the language, and breathe deep. such things are good for the soul and healing in general. southern california has had you in its creaky jaws for too long.
    : )

  4. I roughly guesstimated my insurance has spent
    $70,000 – MRIs
    $400,000 Surgeries
    $5,000 – Misc Tests and Consults
    I wish I could’ve asked for that in one big check. Sure I’d be dead by now but it’d have been a hella party.

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