late night toast thoughts due to SSRI withdrawal without any mahler symphonies at all

Shouldn’t toast be instantaneous? There’s no slow simmery magic or magic roasting chemistry going on. The raw material is fully cooked. It’s just dry heat applied to sliced bread.

Why are all toasters not 0.2 sec flash toasters that throw beautiful perfect computer fuzzy logic adjusted toast back you as soon as you hit the button? What’s holding us back?

17 thoughts on “late night toast thoughts due to SSRI withdrawal without any mahler symphonies at all

  1. Why are all toasters not 0.2 sec flash toasters that throw beautiful perfect computer fuzzy logic adjusted toast back you as soon as you hit the button? What’s holding us back?
    I recognize that the technical aspects would be different, but I have the same question about shower water/hot water in general. Big tanks with flames under ’em producing water of wildly unreliable temperature seems so 1700 to me.

  2. You said it. I HATE waiting for toast, it feels ridiculous.
    I think toaster makers must be distracted by some other ivention lately. Hmmmm.

  3. The outer layer of toast is a starch that, despite appearances, has a lot of water in it. Flash cooking will tend to carbonize it. Slower cooking tends to caramelize it. This is the difference between the brownness of toast and the blackness of burnt toast.

      1. A few minutes of ‘net research convinces me that there’s a lot of work to be done here. The ‘browning reaction’ – the general class of chemical changes that take place at the surface of food when it is heated – are very poorly understood. RBU has an ‘institute for coffee studies,’ so I think there is room for one on the study of browning and caramelization.

      2. Plus, out of spite, realize this: changing the behavior of toasters means a level of knowledge of chemistry far beyond what we have now, plus possible changes in natural law. Frankly if we have that ability, I’d change ‘s brain to make him less cranky about something as insignificant as toast.

      3. I think forcing changes in the thoughts and feelings of a human being in preference to changing the chemistry of bread would count as “using your powers for evil rather than good.”

      4. Toast is like life: its most nuanced flavors take time and gentle heat.
        What Conrad is suggesting is the Sid Vicious of bread: fast, and in the end lacking subtlety and flavor; in many ways, the toast is equally bland as its untoasted counterparts.

      5. He’s in Southern California, man. There are Red Hot Chili Peppers have songs about “fast toast” and how it killed all their original guitarists.
        [And I can spell therapeutic when I have my contacts in.]

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