Please translate into colloquial Montréal French

“The French-Canadian music station they always play at Kéan coffee blows goats.”

Really it does. The music is all folk rock or “rootsy” singer songwriter material extruded from an industrial slurm vat through an FM compressor. The only reason it hurts less than typical soft-twat “acoustic” muzak is that my French isn’t as food as it was and I don’t understand all the lyrics.

Who wakes up every day and says “hey! I want to make some inoffensively pleasant sound totally indistinguishable from the rest of this genre! That is gonna be so much fun!”?

8 thoughts on “Please translate into colloquial Montréal French

  1. I don’t like piped-in music anyway anyhow anywhere. Sometimes I have work to do when I’m in the coffeehouse and it’s too distracting to me, and most of the time it’s not what I WANT to hear, so why do they do that? I especially hate the stuff that’s shoved down your throat when you’re shopping or at an outdoor place like Bella Terra or The Block.

  2. How about
    “‘Ostie de crisse de tabarnaque que la musique qui joue au Kéan est poche.”

  3. “Who wakes up every day and says “hey! I want to make some inoffensively pleasant sound totally indistinguishable from the rest of this genre! That is gonna be so much fun!”?”
    People who are trying desperately not to draw attention to themselves.
    Did you know there are restaurants all over northern Virginia where the food is deliberately so bad that no one eats there? They’re staffed by extracted former intelligence assets, and they’re primarily used as drops.

  4. Who wakes up every day and says “hey! I want to make some inoffensively pleasant sound totally indistinguishable from the rest of this genre! That is gonna be so much fun!”?
    Hey, I resemble that remark! Except without the enthusiasm. With me it’s more like, “Hey! I seem to be only able to make inoffensively pleasant sounds largely indistinguishable from the rest of whatever genre I happen to be working in! And what’s more, that’s just about the only thing people seem to want to pay me for. So, I think I’ll go to law school.”

  5. Meant to post this yesterday – I even went so far as to write it, but got sidetracked by an upgrade to XGL and forgot to hit the post button:
    “Qu’est-ce que c’est que ce connerie là? Cité Rock Détente?”
    If they have any pride whatsoever (not a given), they’ll immediately switch it off.
    Pronunciation is, of course, key. I don’t know the rules of phonetic writing, but it would sound something like:
    Kosser k-suh cunnery law? S’tay Ruck Daytaunt?

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