Stoatmaster9000: muppet commentary on politics would actually really rock.
Stoatmaster9000: Crossfire meets Greg the Bunny.
substitute: Sam the Eagle versus Dr. Bunsen Honeydew on stem cell research
Stoatmaster9000: I would pay good money.
substitute: Miss Piggy throatpunching Tucker Carlson, etc
Stoatmaster9000: Pigs… In… Congress…
substitute: Newt Gingrich and Gonzo discuss the flat tax (BLATT BLATT)
Stoatmaster9000: Chickens vs. Thinktank whitepaper authors…
substitute: Karl Rove Attempts to Explain Child Care Cutbacks to Elmo
Stoatmaster9000: Karl Rove push-polls questions about Kermit’s possible past as a transvestite rapist!
substitute: Ann Coulter fails to belittle Oscar the Grouch
Stoatmaster9000: “Would you still support this muppet if..?”
substitute: Donald Rumseld Totally Ignores Mr. Snuffleupagus For Three Years
Stoatmaster9000: Bert and Ernie intern at Talon News!
eyeteeth: “Many uninsured Americans are forced to choose between paying for food and paying for medicine. My assistant Beaker will demonstrate.”
Stoatmaster9000:
substitute: chickens everywhere
eyeteeth: Howard Dean gets into shouting match with Statler and Waldorf.

If you’re down with West Coast Christians, you can keep your ominously Teutonic biker chic, your Hell’s Angels culture of violence, your wannabe Nazi/wannabe criminal poseur lifestyle, and your MTV style gang insignia.. and still LOVE THE LORD!!!!!!!!1!!

And this was your daily installment of “Orange County, CA is run by actual unironic Hitler-Type Nazis”. Courtesy the_silent_one.

On the minus side, okcupid has people who say things like:

stuff i <333:: SHOPPIN. mah chix. MOVIES. bein in <3. SWEET KISSES. d&b. DANCIN! sour apple martinis. AMERICAN EAGLE. hollister. PARTYIN! surfers. SKATERS. dancin in tha rain. WALKS IN THE RAIN. hot guys. GOSSIP GIRL. chyllen in tha hot tub. MINI SKIRTS. green eyes….

On the plus side, they have guerramondragon. Hey K, you wanna go for coffee?

Crap it’s late.

WHAT

HUGS,

AMERICAN PEOPLE

President Jerkcity: NOT ENOUGH METH IN THE WHITEHOUSE (Y/N)????
substitute: LYNNE CHENEY NEEDED IT ALL (TUPPERWARE/FISTING PARTY)
presidential fake reporter/ho scandal funnies in AIM

The “joy stick” all natural spicy pork stick

At http://www.thejoystick.com/

Failed items were: idle control valve, and one motor mount. Thank the gods I had an extended warranty on the thing so I’m only out $50. Now let’s see if I’ll actually get it back today.

I saw the scariest man in Costa Mesa today at the Borders in the magazine section. He was a fortyish surfer/skater type covered in tattoos, including most of his head and face. Most notably he had a large red and black swastika on his skull with some writing in German around it. He was not attempting to conceal this at all. Eep. His rockabilly woman was somewhat tatted up too but not like him. I swear his entire head was illustrated with malevolent shit. I wanted to see it more in detail but I was afraid of looking at him too long.

I get to take the car in tomorrow because the “check engine” light is on. I foresee a delightful day of waiting around, not being called, calling them, and them trying to screw me on the warranty so I pay for the service somehow. Hurf.

I have a stomach ache, I’m broke, and it’s perilously close to Big 5 Time.

I’ve just spent some time researching the kerfuffle over Splenda. This is an artificial sweetener (generic name sucralose), which is increasingly popular. Unlike aspartame or saccharine, it doesn’t have a nasty aftertaste and can be used in baking since it doesn’t break down with heat. The manufacturer’s website is at http://www.splenda.com/

You make it by beating the hell out of sugar and chlorinating it.

The sugar people, understandably, don’t like Splenda. Recently they’ve gone after Splenda’s manufacturer for the ad phrase “made from sugar so it tastes like sugar”, arguing that this is misleading since Splenda is not a natural substance but a heavily processed chemical one. This is just FUD and bullshit pretty obviously; “natural” is a meaningless noise. They have a website ( http://www.thetruthaboutsplenda.com/ ) and a lawsuit, and they’re getting all sorts of news coverage. They say things like “It hasn’t been proven to be safe” when of course that’s not how science works, you can’t prove that. Lots of weasel words. You can smell the panic. It’s similar to the anti margarine campaigns the butter people put on during the last century.

The sad part is that they’ve got the Center for Science in the Public Interest on their side. My respect for the CSPI has been declining as they’ve become nannyish and publicity-hungry, but this is the last straw. I can’t see how saying something is “made from sugar” when it is, in fact, made from sugar is fraudulent, or why the CSPI needs to be involved when there’s no evidence that Splenda is bad for anyone. The case revolves around the idea of “natural” food which is religious and not scientific. “Natural” is a word used by health food store cranks, not nutrition professionals or biochemists. I’m not sure whether the CSPI is gradually becoming psychoceramic or has been bought out by a donation from Big Sugar, but in any case I can’t consider them authoritative now. It’s shameful to play on peoples’ ignorance about chemistry and nutrition to grab headlines.

If someone can find a critique of sucralose that is not riddled with the “natural” fallacy, scientifically illiterate blather about deadly chlorine, psychoceramic typography, ads for another product, or plain appeals to fear I’d be interested in seeing it.