My kitchen adventure today, by me, age 40.

I went to get some ice for my iced coffee this morning. When I opened the freezer, stuff fell on me. Specifically a package of two Trader Joe’s Really Expensive Chicken Burritos fell on me.

In my own opinion this is because there are always too many things in the freezer, most of which will never be used, and some of which are not even foods.

I bent over and picked up the burrito. As I did so, the freezer door swung shut as it’s designed to do, timed perfectly so that I came up under it and hit my head quite hard.

At this juncture I became upset due to the combination of annoying burrito cascade and head injury, and I slammed the freezer door shut emphatically.

Unbeknownst to me, other items had also shifted their place in the freezer so that the door could not close properly. Instead, it bounced off those other items forcefully and flew back open. The speed and force of this reaction caused the two rails on the inside of the door to pop off, which they are designed to do in case of stress rather than breaking or bending.

Because the door now had no rails holding its door rack items in, and was moving rapidly open, it hit the maximum open angle of the mechanism and bounced back yet again. This time, because the retaining rails were no longer present, the contents of the door racks were deposited on the floor all at once.

As a result, four glass jars fell to the floor and explosively shattered. Glass pieces were found as far as twenty feet away. A large quantity of mixed breadcrumbs, flour, nuts, seeds, and unidentifiable powders was dumped on the floor as well.

The cleanup operation lasted 90 minutes and resulted in one additional minor injury due to glass. Investigation is pending, but freezer overloading appears to be the primary cause of the spill, as well as operator error due to poor stress management.

8 thoughts on “My kitchen adventure today, by me, age 40.

  1. when I first moved in with karen she asked me to clean out the fridge and freezer to make room for our stuff.
    I opened it and one of those huge costco rack-o-something-er-other fell on my foot. I responded to the fridge with violent acts, leading to the freakshow that is my right foot, with two never again to bend toes. šŸ™
    they’re out to get us.
    freezer ban 2oo5

  2. Nearly all of my recent temper tantrums have resulted in comic punishment. I’ve decided that it’s god’s way of saying “grow the fuck up, Brandon”.

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