Can’t make love to the girls in this town

This is the weekend that I shall become one or more of:

  • A huge yet nimble insectoid creature, mantis-like in appearance, with serrated mandibles and forelegs, dripping with caustic goo, that lives only to rend humans limb from limb.
  • A charismatic street preacher whose exhortations to “Live as though you were already in HELL!” fill the air at gas stations, grocery stores, and open-air restaurants throughout the county.
  • A serial murderer of drywall contractors whose crimes include jigsaw pieces left in each victim’s mouth; the pieces, as assembled by the detectives, are slowly revealing a face. But whose?
  • The only non Chinese member of the Communist Party’s Central Coordinating Committee in Beijing.
  • Chewbacca.
  • The world’s leading collector of pre 1989 Soviet and Eastern Bloc gay pornography.
  • Mary Baker Eddy.

7 thoughts on “Can’t make love to the girls in this town

  1. Putting the hellfire in Fire Island
    Please combine #2 and #6 in some spectacularly visual manner. We could probably book you on an incredibly lucrative tour of ironic Gay Meccas, tragically hip art spaces and freeway underpasses.

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