playing with others

I have a tragicomic history with subcultures.

I’m a joiner, and ought not to be. I get a crush on a new one, go on a couple of dates, start to get really into it, go steady, and then there’s a loud messy breakup or maybe just a slow tapering fade into failure. The groups I’ve been through with since about junior high school age include (in no sorted order):

  • Gamer dork
  • Punk
  • Amateur radio
  • Evangelical Christianity
  • Left wing politics
  • Gun nuts
  • Car nuts
  • SF geeks
  • Music scenesters
  • Entertainment people
  • Computer geeks

There may well be others I’ve blotted out. It never works, you see. There’s always some dealbreaker, something about the subculture that drives me nuts, and it’s not going to change. My choices are to bug out or flip out, and I go insectoid. If you look at that list, once you stop giggling, you’ll see why. The geeks and dorks can’t see out of their fanboy worlds, and are socially retarded. Scenester-hipster-entertainment types are self-absorbed social climbers and users. Both the Christians and the radical political crew demand ever-strict adherence to a code of thought and conduct which eventually becomes insane in either the Stalinist or ultramontane way. The only partial successes in that list are punk and cars, because you can always yell FUCK YOU at a punk, and you can back slowly away from the person who’s obsessed with mopar and go hang out with the Subie crowd for a bit.

Usually people list the groups they’ve failed as badges of pride. My identity is so strong, they say, that I can’t compromise for anyone so I’m a lone gun! They tried to tell me what to think, but I’m a rebel, etc.

I think it’s a failure, though. Something about me needs not only for the entire world to love me unconditionally, but for all my groups and circles to get along with me and each other, harmoniously, forever. I am that despised moderate liberal intellectual softy who wants to find the common ground everywhere, and ends up pissing everyone off. Goddamn Menshevik. If I had more balls I’d be able to tolerate the local craziness of groups, maybe, and not get all twitchy and leave.

I sure don’t miss the music scenesters, though. Yecch. Give me a good honest gun nut any day over that.

8 thoughts on “playing with others

  1. You could combine
    RACES-Gun Toting-Left Wing Christian hang em high and respect my authority Computer Geek.
    This would still not get you the women though.

  2. I’ve found myself doing the same. Scene after scene, same politics, same bullshit.
    I am almost a solitary human at this point aside from the internet and my family. It’s sort of relaxing.

  3. You know that this list is one of the reasons why I love you, don’t you? You have inspired me to add my own. Starting from high school:
    drama freak
    anorexic ballerina crew – westS1d3 31337, YO!
    hippie/radical feminist
    club girl
    philosophy nerd
    computer geek
    law nerd
    I think I’ve settled on: deeply disturbed, third wave sex and some porn-positive feminist, lefty, but with some strong tendencies toward law and economics, libertarianism and cultural imperialism and fan of the music, in general.

  4. i just try not to classify myself and accept the fact that i will never be able to have “all” of my friends in one room at one time without some form of bloodshed. each group has its moments and thats what i try to grasp onto, then head to the next table when i start to feel it has become too much.

  5. Most of these went away with my hearing. I tend to be solitary, outside of Diane I talk with maybe 5 people in real life, even less on AIM. It’s just me and my electronics. But things I’ve done:
    Amateur Radio
    Civil Defense
    Volunteer FireFighter/EMT
    Computer Geek
    A/V Geek (was the cameraman for lots of sports I could not play)
    Airplane Geek
    NASCAR Fandom
    Probably some I am forgetting.

  6. Getting anybody to love anybody else AT ALL seems like a fluke when everybody has their own history/private misery. Having more balls would only make sitting down more complicated.
    I’ve generally been uncomfortable around anybody that uses a scene as a way to define themselves, like high school cliquerey but even more disturbing because it’s so damn big. I think I did it for a while and GODDAMN did it get old quick. Bah, what do I know.

  7. I’ve actually been thinking about groupings lately. I find that, for me, I tend to get on with people, rather than groups, per se. As my mother keeps pointing out, at my 40th birthday party I had a major intersection of groups – the common factors being that these people were my friends, regardless of whether I was still in whatever world I met them in.
    I’ve been thinking that people either put their friends in boxes, which have to be kept separate, or have friends with various tags or origin allowed to mix freely. I’m sure there are other systems, but those are the two I’ve been giving thought to lately.
    I prefer the latter, myself. On the other hand, maybe the problem is too much thinking.
    I do know that you’re my friend, not because of the circle I know you from, but because you’re neat and also keen. For whatever that may be worth as far as buying tea in the eastern parts.

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