I for one welcome our persistently vegetative, infallible zombie Pope

VATICAN CITY (AP)— Pope John Paul II may have to return to the hospital to have a feeding tube inserted, an Italian news agency reported today. It stressed that no decision had been made.

The AP.com news agency, citing an unidentified source, said the 84-year-old pope might have to have the tube inserted to improve his nutrition since he is having difficulty swallowing with the breathing tube that was inserted Feb. 24.

APcom said the idea of inserting a feeding tube was a hypothesis that was being considered. The procedure involves inserting a tube into the stomach to allow for artificial feeding.

Earlier today, the Italian daily Corriere della Sera reported that the pope’s doctors were considering a new hospitalization next week both to perform tests on the breathing tube and to adjust his diet because of problems swallowing.

9 thoughts on “I for one welcome our persistently vegetative, infallible zombie Pope

  1. If the Pope were braindead, wouldn’t there be a mechanism to have him retired? Or would he merely be relieved of day-to-day responsibilities, remaining the perpetual undead figurehead of the church while generations of acting popes humbly do all the real work? (Sort of like presidents/vice-presidents, or university chancellors/vice-chancellors.)

    1. I have no idea. I know popes have resigned before, but I don’t think they’ve forcibly retired any since they used to have wars about it. Worth further reading to find out, it’s interesting.

  2. Oh wow, I thought you made this up as a joke when I first read it. Now, I hear the same thing on NPR’s Morning Edition. Coolness! When can we get feeding tubes for King George W and Tom DeLay?

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