Applications are no longer being accepted for the following positions

  • ”Friend” who contacts me every three months for tech support.
  • Woman who uses me as a stopgap guy to hang out with between boyfriends (please note: this position has been eliminated and there will be no further hiring.)
  • Person whose only contact with me is to sing his or her own praises and then ask for favors.
  • Unasked-for spiritual advisor.
  • Multilevel marketer.

3 thoughts on “Applications are no longer being accepted for the following positions

  1. You can make millions!
    It slices!
    It dices!
    It dispenses proverbs with commentary!
    “It” keeps “you” company!
    It asks you to reset its drivers and reboot its hard drive!
    It asks for money and advice!
    It’s the ANNOYBOT 50000!
    er. I think I just described a computer.

  2. Spiritual Multilevel Marketer!
    Hey, man–I realize I have not talked to you in a while, but I have been busy with a great job and making lots of money and I work with lots of smart people, so you can see I have been busy–but my internet stopped working, so do you know what might have happened and how I might fix it? Oh, and about your general malaise and ennui, you should get in touch with yourself and with The Jesus and go out more, and once you are out, you can hook up with your friends and convince each of them to give you $100 dollars, then tell them to recruit six friends to go to church with them and give $100. But yeah, my internet is broken, so can you fix it?

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