Modest proposal

The new theocrats in charge of our government despise homosexuals and liberal humanists. Both groups are accused of being Anti-Christian; of having an “agenda” that includes the conversion of the faithful to sin; of infiltrating schools and libraries and government to carry out their aims; and of pretending to be ordinary, normal citizens while concealing their horrible plan to Satanize the country.

These same theocrats, although they are overwhelmingly members of evangelical Protestant Christian denominations and churches, include members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints in their midst. Mormons are staunch Republicans, give the state of Utah to the cause, and are enthusiastic haters of gays and liberals.

As we know, neither homosexuals nor liberals are actually involved in any campaign to convert mainline Christians. This is a piece of paranoia born out of ignorance and fear.

However, let us consider the Mormons. They are the world’s fastest growing religion. They are wealthy and secretive. Their aim is to convert the entire world to their faith, and to retroactively baptize the dead in fact. They are behind thousands of businesses, teach in public schools everywhere, and have sought elected and appointed office with success. And they’re not Christians.

Mormons believe that every man will become God. They despise Catholic and Protestant Christianity alike, convinced that their own revelation supersedes the Biblical tradition. Although they take great pains to look like normal everyday mainline Christians, they believe in magic glasses and interpretive stones, wear magic underwear, and have as their holy books everything and anything said or written by their 19th century American prophet.

I propose that Mormons should be denied marriage, forbidden to teach in public schools or hold public office, and required to register as Religious Offenders at police stations so that their movements may be tracked. They are a known and admitted threat to our Christian faith. Their agenda is the reign of heresy on earth and the damnation of our entire country. How long will we stand by while this evil rots away in our country’s hearts?

17 thoughts on “Modest proposal

    1. they’re a spent force, actually. there’s like 4 of them. they should maybe just be forced to fight the 4 remaining communists on tv

  1. Allow me, if you will, to extend upon this.
    Homosexuals should register as a religion. We could have our own prophet who made us homosexual at birth, thereby solving the mystery of if we were born this way or if it was a choice once and for all.
    Further, we would instantly become tax-free, impervious to municipal, state, and federal abuse, and probably qualify for substantial grants and credits to support our lifestyle all along the way.

  2. see, too rational
    you need to include something like mormon internment camps, and some sort of religious slur, like idiot, or smithbacks, or diaperheads.

    1. With a name like that he should just be Commissioner of Baseball. There’s a rule that all of them have to have funny names, anyway, and “mitt” is a no brainer.

  3. You reminded me of a book I read by a guy who was both a redneck and a sometime environmentalist. He said that each side cast the other as the image they don’t want to see about themselves.
    So of course evangelists believe that gays evangelize, that they try to influence the impressionable youth, that they insinuate themselves into political parties.
    Hi again by the way. I really like reading your journal, especially at times like this.

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