Life during wartime

Today, in my city, we had one of the new Brazil-style terror alerts. There was an uncorroborated single phone call to the FBI saying that a shopping mall near the West Los Angeles Federal Building might be attacked. So, of course, the authorities told us to go about our business and have a great day and shop a lot and be alert and on the outlook for anything unusual. Cognitive dissonance is patriotic these days! Go us! It’s inane, not just because of the contradictory orders we’re given, but because the whole city is entirely open and full of weirdos and unusual activity. Two guys in robes and turbans could walk down Wilshire with machine guns and everyone would say “Hmm, movie shoot, or just weirdos?”

Five assholes with two grenades each could make the city grind to a halt. Glad no one has done it.

A friend of mine who is a very smart, nice, pretty 19-year-old college student is a waitress. Tonight she had a table of two men, who ordered a dessert to split. She brought the dessert and handed them the two spoons and said “there you go, you can share!”. One of them, a stereotypical mulleted guy in a white wife-beater, said “I have a better idea! How about we spread you out here on the table and share you!” It never ceases to amaze me what people will say to other people in public. She had a (male) coworker give them their check. They tipped 20%. The manager offered to throw them out but she decided to go with the money.

A few weeks ago I really lost it at work and had a regrettable, juvenile prima donna fit about the way the I.T. department was treating my computing needs at work. As a result I received today a brand-new 1.5 GHz Powerbook with all the trimmings. Although this was honestly what was needed in the circumstance, it’s not much of a moral lesson. After almost 3 years of being a very good hard-working nice employee I behaved like a complete ass and was rewarded with new shiny hardware.

Heard of a van
Loaded with weapons
Packed up and ready to go…

12 thoughts on “Life during wartime

    1. Re: Fit = Apple
      Funnily enough, I also once got a shiny new Mac by pitching a fit. I pitched it directly at the Mac people after my PowerBook came back from repair for the third or fourth time and wouldn’t turn on. The help-desk person told me I’d have to send it in again and asked me, as per the script, “Have you backed up your hard drive?” I believe I was actually crying by this point. I was in college, I had papers to write, I had spent so much time on the phone with the help desk that I actually knew some of the support personnel by name, and I began yelling, “No, I haven’t backed up my hard drive! I CAN’T TURN IT ON!”
      They put me through to a supervisor and the supervisor agreed to send me a new top-of-the-line Mac to replace my cheaper fucked-up one. The new one worked great!

  1. i wish i wasn’t new to the job, or i’d do the same thing, because my needs aren’t anywhere near being met.
    after rebuilding my second broken laptop for me today, the lone IT guy emailed me to say ‘i found itunes, winamp, [some third-party dev tools] and [some software for my Rio] on your computer. can you specify how all of them are used in your working environment?’ ahahahahahahaha fuck off.
    can i get you to get them to give me a laptop that works? 🙂

  2. One of them, a stereotypical mulleted guy in a white wife-beater, said “I have a better idea! How about we spread you out here on the table and share you!”
    (!)
    I’d have offered them free coffee with their dessert, slipped in a few roofies, and followed them out. Later, they’d wonder why they were naked, covered with honey, and tied to a fire ant hill.

  3. The last time I got upset about employee rights at work (we all had really bad chairs) I complained loudly and bitterly that we all needed decent equipment to do our work, and part of that decent equipment was a proper chair. I got a brand new $1000 chair. Everyone else got nothing.
    Lesson learned — no matter how noble your intentions, everyone assumes you’re a dick.

  4. One of them, a stereotypical mulleted guy in a white wife-beater, said “I have a better idea! How about we spread you out here on the table and share you!”

    ‘Tis a shame I wasn’t there. I might have suggested that pretty 19 year old waitress be replaced by me. Then they could have used their spoons to gouge their respective eyes out. Sometimes being a troll has its good points 🙂

  5. IF I SAID YOU HAD A BEAUTIFUL BODY
    … would you put down the sawzall?
    Working in food service really fucks you up for awhile, and gives you this (true? false?) impression of the awfulness of humanity. Some people treat you like servants, some like an audience, and some like hookers. I’m impressed by her manager’s offer — most would just look at you like you had your head screwed on wrongly and expect you to suck it up.
    I had a lot of opportunities to be a very bad person to these types of people, seeing as how I was the bartender… but I never did. I guess that makes me either dumb or noble or something. =)
    Good job, ass. I think it’s in your job description to have a geekvalanche every few years, and you did well. Yey!

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