The brain is a poorly understood organ

List of things I do that have no point or rhyme or reason or meaning but are compulsive and necessary:

  • Say “you are the cat!” to the cat, often
  • Count while peeing as if the number when I finish is significant
  • Rest one hand on the gearshift while driving although I have not driven stick for many years
  • Look at pretty girls
  • Continue through a story doggedly even when I realize everyone has heard it
  • Shake a bottle of pills slightly before taking one
  • Spin the vinyl backwards when putting a vinyl record on a turntable
  • Get up every day and live my life in the absence of evidence that it’s meaningful
  • Take a toothpick from the restaurant front counter
  • Try to repair damaged friendships
  • Bark at dogs

16 thoughts on “The brain is a poorly understood organ

  1. when i see a cat, i inexplicably say aloud, “kitty” and if i see a dog, i say, “puppy” and if i see a baby, i say, “baby” and it’s so automatic it’s almost unconscious, and it happens when i am with other people or when i am by myself. i don’t go around yelling out the names of everything i see, just those particular things. it serves no purpose and i have no idea what my reason is for doing it.

      1. oh my god, i hope not. my mother went to a psychic, to make sure i’m going to make grandchildren for her to be much nicer to than she’s ever been to me, and i supposedly have like six or seven more years. IT’S NOT MY TIME YET!NOOOOO, PLEASE!!

  2. I do all those same things except taking the toothpick from the front counter because on the news they said that those things are covered in fecal which is also known as poop so its like hey i want to clean between my teeth and maybe you get the leftover chicken bits out but in their place you have fecal which is also known as poop and thats gross.

  3. I sometimes count. The largest number I have reached thus far: 82. For some reason I also:
    • Replace the cap on any bottled beverage I am drinking after every sip.
    • Shake bottled water periodically as if to mix it better
    • Chew two pieces of gum at one time. One on each side of my mouth.

    1. I do the cap thing, too–but it is more of a trained response. The computer lab in college was full of shiny new X Windows terminals, and the phrase “you break it, you bought it” was used there all the time. You were allowed to eat and drink in the lab, but they kept tabs on who spilled their coke in the keyboards. It just ended up being easier and less worrisome to cap the bottle after every drink.

  4. Swiss Family Muridae
    I frequently inform animals of their animal type. I especially say “You’re a rat!” to one or the other of my rats very frequently. (Or to both of them, in a weird croon, “Rodents!” or even “Family Muridae!”) It’s like it’s amazing to me each time. I’ll probably do the same to my niecephew when he or she is born. “You’re an infant!” Or perhaps even “Hominid!”
    Why do we do these things? They’re so common that I feel some kind of ancient genetic programming may be involved. When we were Neanderthals, surrounded by natural perils, did we have to do constant baby inventories? Did the need to make sure the baby hadn’t been eaten by a Tasmanian tiger or something turn into this weird compulsion to inform animals of their phyla?

  5. I do the counting thing at random times, though not when I’m peeing. I think it’s more of a way to completely separate myself from situations I’m having a hard time with. So, basically, when I leave the house.

  6. I like how there’s real emotional turmoil and genuine readable pathos in this post and thus far everyone talks about the ‘you are the cat!‘ comment.
    Swell. Real swell.

      1. Re: yeah!
        Damn crafty, I say.
        I’m glad I know you, pathos or no.
        Feel free to bludgeon me in my sleep if I’m ever an annoying fuckwit.

  7. No matter how bleak you think things are….as long as you keep up your meaningless, compulsive and yet neccessary task of looking at pretty girls, I will have hope for you.

    * Kitty needs to know her place
    * OK, that’s weird. But then, I tell inanimate objects to ‘STAY!’ when I drop them.
    * I haven’t adopted that habit, but now that there is nowhere to rest my right arm when I’m driving I’m in a constand quandry with what to do with it
    * Congratulations! You’re normal!
    * While I despise telling my own stories to the same crowd twice, I never mind hearing yours again.
    * interesting…
    * I get up every day and live my life as though the silly little obsessions and weird art music I make constitute meaning, though I suspect they don’t
    * I’ve tried to get into toothpicks, but I just. don’t. get. them.
    * I have a bad habit of walking away at the slightest amount of difficulty, though I did try a couple years ago and found it painful, irksome, and ultimately unsuccessful. YMMV.
    * I do that, too. And I ‘mrowr’ at cats.

  9. I tell the pig that he is the PIIIIIG a lot. I call Una “The Dog” a lot.
    I count… things. Lots of things. It’s all SIGNIFICANT. The ghosts won’t get me if I end on a 9. =)
    I wish I had a gearshift.
    I look at pretty girls and wish I were them.
    I like listening to all stories, even when I’ve heard them, unless they’re told by someone I hate. Doesn’t happen much because people I don’t like end up in the murder hole.
    Meaningful life, I dunno. You have one in ways I wish mine were meaningful in, and vice versa, I’m sure.
    I only take wrapped toothpicks.
    Bark constantly.
    Talk like cartoon characters.
    Sleep too much.
    Eat. I hate eating right now. =/
    “Shux, this “bell” bizness is a big fake – here I been tinkling like a toot-ache and I dun’t get no risponse from “ignatz” – foowa foowa”

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