She used the word “penultimate” wrong in two different ways in one speech

Did you hear what we’re going to do to Kyle? My cousin, he did like the weight watchers thing, but he couldn’t control his portions. You could wake him up in the middle of the night and he could type 65 wpm. That’s exactly what I needed to hear right now. Are you on shift, or off shift? There’s nothing between those two. This kind of music is like Kenny G trying to get into your mom’s pants. Twenty thousand miles later the block cracked and you know the rest.

I have to trust her; it’s not like I’m going to read the entire Rig Veda to find out. My cochlea died, I forgot to feed it. The cat spent about an hour trying to kill a foam peanut, and I watched the whole time. There’s no trauma, just trying to settle back into roles.

When I got into the car it was on empty, and then 10 minutes later WOOEEEP it was on medium full. Every crazy who comes in here, also shows up there. What was I supposed to say? This is what I do, I interpret literature, I like it.

We’re ordering pizza because we’re going to be in the dungeon all night. When I saw video games being played in the title sequence I knew I was fucked. This is positively the most geriatric version of “Take the A Train” ever.

It’s hard to say I’m getting over it when there wasn’t an it, and I’m still in the same boat.

One thought on “She used the word “penultimate” wrong in two different ways in one speech

  1. I think Kenny G is trying to get into my Mom’s pants. That’s why she likes his music so much. I can think of no other explanation.
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