In their eyes there’s something lacking / What they need’s a SURFACE TO AIR MISSILE

I picked up an issue of the throwaway Orange County rag at D’s tonight and looked through the ads. There was lots of great stuff for people who have money and want to feel like they also have that elusive thing: class. For example:

  • A real estate company advertising that their development (very expensive) had “pure panache”.
  • A dating service for “gorgeous women and upscale men” that is having a private ”lingerie fashion show” at the Ritz at which all the models are guaranteed to be single, available, and registered with the agency.
  • A cosmetic surgeon who will provide you with “French Pouty Lips” for $250 (Freedom Lips?)
  • Another surfer-businessman OC LAMER
  • Corporate Comedy!
  • The previously mentioned-in-LJ “Model Quality Introductions” which got me my best spit take ever*
  • Inappropriate, gratuitous, and risibly horrible use of words like “plantation”.
  • A spray tanning system called “High Pressure Destiny” that “Gives unbelievable results: FAST!”
  • An article about a tennis player named “Stephi Graph” (maybe her family invented the paper?)
  • This asshole

There’s more, but I think I’m burnt out now.

*When I was giving bruisedhips the skinny on Model Quality Introductions the other night I uttered their closer phrase: “After the initial date, if the chemistry is mutual, you can start a relationship then and there.” And she showered the patio with tea. Best spit take ever.

6 thoughts on “In their eyes there’s something lacking / What they need’s a SURFACE TO AIR MISSILE

  1. oh dear god
    “this asshole” – do people like this actually function as CEOs? Man, the West is different from the Midwest. I especially luv the music on the website.

  2. the OC weekly is the tree equivalent of eternal damnation. there but for the sake of tree jesus do they all go.
    pure panache is damn hard to come by. the panache i get seems to always be cut with baby powder, oregano, or msg. filthy disreputable back-alley panache dealers.
    what, my patriotic flag-waving american pouty lips aren’t good enough for the panache-addicted left-wing france-coddling orange county crowd? i’ve traveled all over our fine country and southern california is the only place i ever saw ads for the cosmetic surgery procedure “vaginal tightening.”
    i’m envisioning a well-intentioned serial killer who uses the oc weekly to target his horrid, soulless victims. it all starts innocently enough, with a jihad on velour tracksuits…

      1. Re: man I wish this had been the OC Weekly
        O.C. Metro?! You’re just trying to torture yourself now. Friends don’t let friends read O.C. Metro. (though it did make a pretty amusing post, i must say…)

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